Ready for almost anything
I'm a young girl in southern Sweden who's ready to give you what you want. don't be afraid to ask. price is always negotiable
Abigail
marsaskala@yahoo.se
Sweden - 8/6/05
Punch in the face- $5
Are you craving a good hearty punch in the face? Then I'm your guy! Only 5 dollars, what a deal!
Solomon Goldman
barchiecomics@hotmail.com
United States of America - 7/6/05
PAY ME AND I WONT KILL YOU
If you send me £50 a month, i wont come to your house and slit your throat
cant say fairer that that
Elmo
matt_the_daddy@ntlworld.com
United Kingdom - 6/6/05
I will make you happy.
I would love to meet a girl .. lovely where I can show her teh happiness in doing it with romantic affects. I don't ask for much .. it is free of charge .. just for the lovely girls who have a light soul .. and believe in romantic ..
Rami
sweetmaj74@yahoo.com
Saudi Arabia - 5/6/05
Confess my admiration for hitler very publicly
For a small contribuition I will publicly confess my admiration for Hitler. you see i've been reading this book ian kershaw and if you can get past all the abhorant jew hating stuff he really isn't that bad just a short slightly mediocre chancer and in this respect I have a sort of affinity with him because I too am a short slightly mediocre and a if the right socio-economic conditions arise coupled with a few other outrageous pieces of good fortune I too could become one of histrories greatset monsters.
NEO NAZIS NEED NOT APPLY
Adam Pervoe
pervoe@thepowerofomnipotence.com
United Kingdom - 5/6/05
house clearance
Fed up with your wife nagging at you all day? Mother-in-law driving you fucking crazy? E-mail me, and I'll come round your place when you're all in, and I'll sit on your sofa in my dirty pants and scratch myself in un-Godly places until they get totally disgusted with "your choice of friend" and fuck off. For persistant naggers, I'll even consider smelling my fingers in front of them after they've been down there, or biting the chug nuts out from under my fingernails. Should do the trick. Then you can buy me a pint and a packet of dry roasted. Or put a film on or something.
Spike, the elusive ferret worrier
chris.blackwell@tesco.net
United Kingdom - 30/5/05
Web Designer and Graphic Designer
Web Design : Simple, fast and efficient in HTML, FLASH or A Mixture of both (Tools : Go Live CS and Flash MX)
Graphic Design : Digital photo editing and manipulation and collage; logo design, business card design, form layout (Tools : Photoshop, Illustrator)
My rates range from : $50 for logos up to $1000 for a high quatlity website.
Send inquiries for a quote and also a date of completion time.
Thank You
Warren Galloway
webdesign@warrengalloway.net
United States of America - 25/5/05
Say Goobye To White Lies
I'll tell it straight to anyone ,anytime, anywhere.The next time one of your buddies asks you what you thought of his emo-bands demo just punch me up on the celly and hand him the phone! I will be blunt and to the point in all cases with little regard to feelings. Ex: someone says "Isn't my baby cute?" I respond "NO!, in fact it's the most horrid creature ever to nauseate my eyes." (I deliver zero tolerance) Never compromise your true self again! When the idiots force you to be nice stand firm and make the call to me THE TRUTH EXHIBITIONIST /will travel with provided airfare and living accomidations otherwise all services are free and for the good of society/will accept sexual payment from beautiful international women. MAIL ME ANYTIME but don't be a victim to lip service!!!!!!!!!!
Anthony
swrv76@yahoo.com
United States of America - 25/5/05
rig sails
rig sails on any size mast 600. per day
aef
birdsong@aol.com
United States of America - 19/5/05
I will give you free energy!
for a low price I will give you the knowledge to make free energy!
E-mail me to find out...
Uriel
Jurielly@yahoo.com
United States of America - 18/5/05
Anything for your eyes
I will smack my head against a mail holder, hit my head against a wall, trip over my own feet, eat a light pull, make you silly cd's, stare through you, pick up kitty puke, bake you sweet stuff and dinners, insist on child detentions to see you again, drop corn on purpose, play unneccesary tricks on you, smile to you from across the room, finish unfinished business to a cell phone ringer, mail you cards, buy your love through pizza, send numerous retarded emails and texts, meet you anywhere you wish, kiss you in car washes, drink 5 beers and smile knowing you know what that means next, make midnight love calls to you, smell everything you touch, abuse household items for you to taste, make secret smirks each time I see you, time my mornings just right to see a glimpse of you, fantasize at 9am, dream of you each nite, write notes every chance I get and have them delivered, vandalize your car with pewp words, hold your hand while gazing into your eyes, smack myself with a ! twisted towel instead of you, carry your notes with me everywhere, wear your shirts, remember your laughs, fight you for the outside leg, suck on your toes, take pictures and video, stay up chatting with you for 4 hours or more, invade your room and leave momento's of me all around it, force innocent children to be onery as part of my love plan, make fun of my nose so you'll think its cute, save emails, notes and chats, and read them 15 times over, feel 13, stumble over my words, feel my heart beat fast, feel your heart beat fast, feel my stomach flipflop... and love you forever.
foofys pewp
comeoniwannalayya@schmakkel.com
Norway - 16/5/05
Anything with my skills
For the price of $100 (USD) I will use my skills to create the best site possible just for you. You can ask me to build any type of site you desire and contain anything you wish for. The site could be in formats of HTML, Flash, Shockwave Flash or even a mixture. I will not stop working on it until YOU decide when it's reached your required level. The payment for the domain name and space hosting will be provided by you where you can host at any provider you desire. Updating an existing site created by me will cost you additional $20 (USD) unless mentioned otherwise. Updating an existing site created by me will cost you additional $20 (USD) unless mentioned otherwise. Payment can only be accepted as cash or cheque.
SS
saro.sportier@gmail.com
Cyprus - 11/5/05
Pawn your soul.
Value appraisal free. One year interest-free to pay off loan, each additional year 25% APR. After five years I keep it for resale. What have you got to lose?
Brian Franks
aniega@hotmail.com
Canada - 6/5/05
Free Short Stories
To receive a free short story, (Approx 500-1000 words) Every week simply send your email address to the link.
Ginger Cadigan
shortstories1@hotmail.com
Australia - 6/5/05
Need an angel ? I can help you!
I offer 10 days free test of my services and if you are Satisfied we can continue (price talkable). I can help you at any problem Financial, personal or business we years Experience I can offer everythin you dont have and you are not going to have mentally or materially. Just ask my and you ll find out!
pengo
mypengo@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 5/5/05
esoteric eroticism
I will take you on a journey of uninhibited beauty, unrestricted pleasure and awesomely imaginative joy. I will transport you from the mundanity of your life and into a world where you can explore, stretch and break free from the artifical barriers which restrict you to the limited life society allows you. I will show you how to let your soul soar, how to see just how incredible life can be on this magnificent little planet.
I will take on only those persons with whom I feel some sort of affinity or in whom I recognise a need of some sort. Initial consultations will be via email and not charged for. Succesful applicants will be charged for 24 hour periods with the fee dependent on mutual discussions. You will generally be looking at anything from ZAR1000 to ZAR5000 excluding expenses (about US160 to US800).
max
maxkunda@gmail.com
South Africa - 4/5/05
For $30 I will give you resume advice, feedback and tips.
J
jeffstrat70@yahoo.com
United States of America - 2/5/05
You Whores Black Star Recommendation
For the small fee of £30 i will send you a lengthy email or written letter in detail telling you how truly amazing you are and telling you that i have loved you since school/college/work etc. Show to your friends and work colleagues and make them all really jealous!
Lucy
lukeybol@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/4/05
Brain Real Estate
For 3 pounds a word, I will remember any phrase in any language for 10 years. You will be able to contact me at any time and ask for a recital.
Davers
lobesmack@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/4/05
I will go one step further!
Because I live Tijuana which borders the USA, I will go one step further and pee or shit (which ever you choose) in american soil for the modest amount of $25.00 USD, a picture will be emailed to you autographed with my name, also a certificate of authenticity will be included.
Guillermo M.
gms@mexproco.com
Mexico - 26/4/05
be your freind for free
i am so lonely i will be someones friend help for free take a chance
clements
paulclements80@msn.com
United Kingdom - 25/4/05
family man
for £36.50 per day i will sleep with or molest your mother-in-law so she can no longer look down her nose at you evidence i.e photos or underwear extra
simon
simonmartin13@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 22/4/05
2 dollars in my paypal account for anythin u want
I will do anything you want, i will send dirty pictures if you want, im a male and i know how to do it rough. So come on its only 2 dollars a month and ill do anything for that!
Mirza
mirza_king2002@hotmail.com
Canada - 20/4/05
DJ in the house
£20 HOUR. TO COME AND PERFORM THE ART OF DISC JOCKYING in your home.
TRAVEL INCLUDED
SOMke AND DRINK MUST BE PROVIDED.
iF YOU REQUIRE FULL RAVE ATMOSPHERE YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER A SMOKE MACHINE, AND OR, LASERS. Any music considerd but I will only actually play Drum n Bass./
DJ piRIP
android51@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 20/4/05
we will write song lyrics on any subject you choose, except 'lahmacun' !!!
lyricmaster
bettyburnn@hotmail.com
Turkey - 18/4/05
I can construct an effective pseudonym for you
A delightful, bespoke nom de guerre can be yours for only 50 GBP*.
Supplied handwritten on an A4 sheet of whitish paper, the pseudonym may be used in any uncomfortable social situation in which your own name just won't do.
A modest 25 GBP* will secure an especially designed fictional surname if money is tight (due to packing costs this will be supplied on an A5 sheet of whitish paper).
*Once purchased the name can be used for up to twelve months before a new licence must be purchased.
A lifetime licence can be yours for only 500 GBP (full names only. Middle names can be inserted on negotiation).
Mr Cartwright
popgun@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/4/05
I will pray for you or your loved ones.
I have been reborn and have a special connection with the heavens. I have quit my career in order to help my fellow brothers and sisters. I will passionately deliver your prayers for you or your loved ones in my special way. I must charge $10.00 each prayer so I can devote all my time towards this. You can mail a check or send through my PayPal account. Email me fisrt. Please serious inquiries only. Bless my children.
Father Marcino
Manflybass@Charter.net
United States of America - 5/4/05
I wanna be your dog!
I can be your dog,anytime you'd like, day or night. My speciality is long walks in the park, and if your lucky you can pick up my poop in little plasticbags!All this +lots of unconditional love! ONLY THREE JAFFACAKES AN HOUR!
Solveig
solveiglk@hotmail.com
Norway - 5/4/05
A PRETEND PERSON
For $50 a day (or each time needed) I will pretend to bewhatever you want to to pretend to be. Making people jealous, getting people off your back, scareing the living shit out of them..... ect (218) 259 3687
Brandon
subnoizerats@hotmail.com
United States of America - 4/4/05
Lightsabre
One previous owner, bright blue look, ideal for heavy duty cutting work or for parties.
Will swap for one ring.
Luke
L.Skywalker@Rebelmail.com
United Kingdom - 2/4/05
One hour with Elvis
Yes, the king lives and I'm holding him prisoner.
You see, Lisa-Marie didnt find him in a pool of his own sick and filth, trousers round his ankles on the the floor of his graceland toilet. I kidnapped him just prior to that event, swapped him for a plastic dummy and have been holding him prisoner ever since.
But I am tired of his cries, there is only so many times you can hear 'are you lonesome tonight' sung by a decrepit old bastard, skinny as a rake hangin from your bedroom wall.
So I make you this offer, for £2,000,000 (around $4,000,000) you can be left alone for one hour with the man. What you do with him his entirely up to you, just remember there will be armed guards outside, so dont try any liberation.
Oh, and remember, he is old, and doesnt put up the fight he used to if you know what I mean.
John
psc_recordings@hotmail.co.uk
United Kingdom - 2/4/05
Down to earth Website design with Gravity Web Design
Need an awesome site for your music, art or business project? Gravity Web Design has an array of skills to build a really exciting, interactive, yet affordable site for your exact needs. Excellent use of multimedia, interaction, graphic design and sound. Bring the internet down to earth with Gravity Design! Complete site build starting from £250 including a years hosting. Check out www.gravity-design.co.uk or www.vibration13.com for an example of the quality on offer! |
Gravity Web Design
toby@gravity-design.co.uk
United Kingdom - 30/3/05
Cheese will be the Dath of Me
I have a problem with cheese. My addiction has clogged my arteries. If you would like to see me dead (I'm really not a very nice person), please send as much as you can spare to fuel my addiction. A picture of my curd-bloated corpse will be sent to all donors upon my death.
Cheese Factory
deliriumuk@yahoo.com
Malaysia - 24/3/05
advertisement
i am wanting a new or slightly used vehicle for my family. me and my wife of 5 years have a four year old and one on the way and would LOVE to have a new, or almost new, truck or van, but we cant afford one. if some one was willing to give us $10,000 - $15,000 or more we would use it to purchase a new vehicle and put your advertisement on all four sides for as long as we own the vehicle. we are not looking to make money off this. we just need a nice ride. we are now driving a 96 plymouth breeze. please help us out or send this to someone you think could. thank you for your time
chris p
maddbox20@yahoo.com
United States of America - 19/3/05
Computer Problems?
Get a Geek! I will solve your PC questions or your money back. $25 per hour (US). Come on over to http://www.rightcoaster.com and post to the forums.
Jared Braddock
United States of America - 18/3/05
Ladies into bondage/BDSM
Curious? Go on, admit it, you are... Do you feel the need to release you kinky side, but have no outlet and wouldn't entertain the idea of a fetish club / BDSM relationship? Whether you're a total newbie or have been playing for years, for a nominal sum (let's say £23 an hour shall we? It's a nice number) I'll dominate or submit to you. From a little light restraint with lengths of silk to a full-on session involving leather cuffs, rope, whips, crops and a whole host of other toys (all supplied) - it's your choice. I'm late 20's, an experienced switch (i.e. I both dom and sub), am fairly attractive and based in the south of England, though I can travel. Safe, sane and consensual play only, safewords and checklists essential.
Windowlicker
windowlicker666@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 18/3/05
Right Under Your Nose
I will give you tons of music. To listen to. By random nuts in Portsmouth and around. http://www.underyournose.co.uk My price is free.
Udy
evilcircus_udy@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 18/3/05
LET ME KISS IT BETTER FOR YOU
Got a hurt that won't heal? Let me kiss it better for you. Price: you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.
lipps
lipps@yalips.com
France - 12/3/05
FRESH GRAPHIC CREATIVITY
Is your business where you want it to be? Do you know how to get it there? Marketing is probably key to your strategy. But ask yourself: Is strategy key to your marketing? At MadridNYC Graphic Design Studio, we understand that abundant creativity alone won't achieve results. It's also important to identify the desired outcome before the process begins, and then communicate throughout the design process to ensure clients attain their goals. Our approach is centered on blending planning and strategy with imagination and inspiration to help businesses connect with their customers in a memorable way. The result? Results. Find out more at: http://www.madridnyc.com
Oscar
design@madridnyc.com
United States of America - 12/3/05
Will hate war for you.
For $1/day I will hate war more than you love it.
art
artsfarts101@yahoo.ca
Canada - 11/3/05
i need a date for my school leavers' ball
i was gonna hire me a jigolo or a male escort but i dont think i'll have enough money saved up in time. and i can't ask any of my friendboys because of various different reasons (eg. girlfirends, smell, bad hair) also boys are a bit shit most of the time. anyhow, i'd like a no-strings-attatched male specimen to be my arm candy for one night. you don't have to pay. just make sure you smell nice and dress good.
nabs
custardistheanswer@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/3/05
ANYTHING
id do anyFUCKNthing!
jiggy jay
midnitemaraudr@hotmail.com
United States of America - 9/3/05
ANYTHING FOR FREE
HEY THIS IS AMANDA HOE IVE BEEN A WHORE FOR A LONG TIME NOW CALL ME
Amanda Hoe
WHORE@HOTMAIL.COM
United States of America - 8/3/05
Bomb the UK
I am tired of these Tommies. While their country is taken over by negroes, Indians and whatever else, they whine about Amurrica being what it is. Wake up, Tom Dumb. For FREE I will bomb the UK. Just give me a suitable weapon.
Outis
outis@outgun.com
United States of America - 8/3/05
who's your mommy?
Miss your dead mommy and feeling guilty about letting her rot in her own piss in a nursing home until she simply died from bedsores? Grieve no more! Let me be your mommy! For $500. I'll tell you how wonderful you are, even if you're the ugliest piece of worthless trash in the world, and how no girl is good enough for you. Any man over 35, (providing you're not working), I'll clean up after your filthy lazy ass, spend hours on my aching, varicose vein covered legs cooking you tempting morsels, try to wake you at two in the afternoon so you can NOT go to job interviews, worry endlessly about how you'll manage after I'm gone, while you siphon money from my dwindling bank account until I must resort to fighting my goddamned cat for kibbles and pushing a shopping cart down a busy main street, carrying aluminum cans to sell to the recycle center. Then you can steal my hydrocodone that I need for the pain of my FUCKING CANCER and lock me in my room while you bring trashy whores in every night and play very loud headbanger music and smoke dope downstairs...just send me $500. or better yet, I'll give you the $500. and you can promise to pay me back when you get a job...but don't mind me...I'll be fine....
yourfuckingmom
zenabby@hotmail.com
United States of America - 8/3/05
Let me gamble your money
Tired of losing money to William Hill? I'll do it for you. Just send me a cheque or postal order and i'll do my best to double it for you. I keep any profits after that. If the bet loses i take on the anger, frustration and despair. 66% success rate. adhumph@ukf.net 08/03/05
adhumph
adhumph@ukf.net
United Kingdom - 8/3/05
Jack Russell fighting
For a minor fee, I will kick the shit out of your Jack Russell dog. I promise at least 5 rounds. Any Jack Russell that floors me will be awarded with a tin of chappie. I accept cash, cheque, or paypal.
Stuart
stuartwiggin@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/3/05
nothing for nothing
I will do nothing, you pay nothing. I'm sure that is a fair price.
noman
noman@nowhere.non
Norway - 5/3/05
Anything
I will do anything for those with the write atitude willing to give me a quid! honest!
hegaty peg peg
hegpegleg@aol.com
United Kingdom - 5/3/05
Your definatly lacking?
Your definatly lacking a memory of someone some thing or sometime, i will offer you the simple assistance of morphing into that memory. I require you to tell me of your memory weather it actually happened or not, and i will then e mail you with a thank you for reminding me letter which will let you know that i also remember that special time object or dream that we shared together thus creating a real memory which can be linked in ones mind to an imaginary event, person or object. The effect is to be able to look back on your moment with fond warmth and joy Cost: 78p in loose change in a jiffy bag which will be re used if thats ok?
Hen Beslop
benasorous@aol.com
United Kingdom - 5/3/05
DUMP THEM THE EASY WAY!
Can't get up the nerve to break it off?? For $100USD, I will act on your behalf and break up with your significant other!
Willy Style
httpinc3@techie.com
United States of America - 1/3/05
Show me the money.
Send me some money and say "Show me the money" when you send it. Use Paypal - jwheatley@blueyonder.co.uk So come on, show me the money and I may show you something, anything, erm... maybe air, or a glass of dirty water. Something good. Oh we like good. Please, show me the money. Big or small, you decide.
Skint
jwheatley@blueyonder.co.uk
United Kingdom - 26/2/05
Send me £1.00 or $1.89
I want to see how many people are stupid or nice enough to send just one, just one, yes just one, pound sterling or the same in US Dollars $1.89 or in Euro's €1.60 on Paypal. jwheatley@blueyonder.co.uk on Paypal. Yours truely. JJJJJJJJ
JJJJJJJ
jwheatley@blueyonder.co.uk
United Kingdom - 26/2/05
GRAPHICS
ILL DESIGN FLYERS FOR YOUR CLUB NIGHT, SHOP SALE, SEX SERVICE, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO PROMOTE ALSO ILL DO WEB BANNERS FOR YOUR COMPANY ALSO LOGOS REALLY ANYTHING CREATIVE ILL DO IT BIAACH. GET IN TOUCH PRICES START AT £60
XENZ
INFO@XENZ.ORG
United Kingdom - 25/2/05
PAINT ARTWORK FOR YOU
ILL PAINT ANY WALL IN YOUR SHOP, BAR , CLUB , BEDROOM, OR TOILET USING SPRAYCANS AN PAINTBRUSHES FOR £150 A DAY PLUS EXPENSES SEE MY WEBSITE WWW.XENZ.ORG FOR QUALITY OF WORK AND PREVIOUS COMMISIONS.
XENZ
INFO@XENZ.ORG
United Kingdom - 25/2/05
BlueApples Web Design
We are a Web Design company offering a chance for smaller businesses or oganisations to have a fully customised web site for a lot less than the usual web design company charge. Quality and professionalism assured, visit www.BlueApples.co.uk for more details.
BlueApples Web Design
info@blueapples.co.uk
United Kingdom - 24/2/05
Website Design
Experience Graphic Designer with skills in Flash/Actionscript, HTML/Javascript, Adobe Photoshop CS, Illustrator and plenty more! Have done work for many local clients and am planning to branch out to a broader audience based on quality of work! Full working top of the line websites ranging from $800-$2000! Contact me for portfolio and clientwork samples!
Yasir Hossain
yhossain@gmail.com
United States of America - 23/2/05
Draw your Dream Animal
if you always imagined what a hippo-giraffe would look like, i can draw it for you. send me any two to four animals that you want mixed together and $20 and i shall combine them for you in a clever and potentially humorous manner. for an additional $5 i will combine them in multiple ways for your pleasure.
Ono
dragonmaster808@hotmail.com
United States of America - 22/2/05
Idolize your Sex
for $25 USD and a photograph with a short bio i will idolize you and create a web page on how much i want to have sex with you. male or female, i could care less. if you want to use this to get back at someone else who turned your offer for sex down, please knock yourself out.
Ono
dragonmaster808@hotmail.com
United States of America - 22/2/05
want to break up with your girl friend or boy friend
so you've had enough? well have a got a deal for you. i will sell my pubic hair to place in special locations (your bed, car seats, the kitchen bench etc) the hair can be purchased in single strands or economical clumps. the hair will be died to the colour of your choice. single hair $1 clump $5 and the dye job is just 2 bucks extra. for all ya pubic hair needs i am your man. in other words i am a hair bastard and it wont be missed.
dr ashley
abagash@hotmail.com
Australia - 22/2/05
I will hate for you! For a small fee!
For a minimal fee I will hate on anything you want me to hate. You hate avocados! Well guess what! I hate them too! (It would be a shame because I really do LOVE avocados.) You hate the Irish, well then, I hate them too! HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE, get it while its in stock. (The things that I will hate are what the buyer hates, it does not necessarily mean that I hate it, I only hate on a temporary basis for the buyer. Unless you are Japanese, then it’s more of a permanent kind of hate.) Price to be discussed once contacted. (WARNING: This item may cause headaches, drowsiness and impaired coordination as well as memory impairment, fatigue, irritability, light-headedness and insomnia. Also, Abdominal pain, aggressive behavior, agitation, allergic reactions, confusion, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, facial swelling, hallucinations, headache, high blood pressure, joint pain, mania, menstrual problems, nausea, rapid heartbeat, rash, vomiting.) Love to all,
Hater Haterson
hates@whatyouhate.com
Canada - 21/2/05
Are You In Or Are You Out?
Don't know? Send me £25.00 and I'll tell you where you stand.
oohbadboy
oohbadboy@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 20/2/05
I will draw anything
Send me an email telling me what you need drawn, and I will draw it for you. Seriously. Or, in fact, with a degree of levity. Let me know what the subject is, and provide me with a handsome reward.
winston wolf
wolfie723@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 16/2/05
Pen pal
My price: $10US. What I'll do: write you a letter. This letter will be postmarked from the east coast of the United States. If you don't live where I live, that's a pretty exotic locale, right? I'll write you whatever you want, I'll admit to having been your penpal, lover, hater, killing your parents, chopping off your hand, pissing in your girlfriends gastank while drunk, or being with you at the time she suspects you pissed in her gastank while drunk. The letter will be sent on the same day as requested, handwritten, and full of details you supply. Poor spelling and grammar are guaranteed. (Caution: letters may smell of spilled liquor. Perfume or cologne can be added for additional fee.)
Phil
zoner21@ahemm.org
United States of America - 16/2/05
Write you!
I am a very talentless hobby writer who seeks to shaft the 'starving artist' types on this site. Their sob stories piss me off. If they are on the dole because nobody will pay them to write, why don't they go flip burgers like all the working stiffs whose parents couldnt afford to send them to school for nothing. I will write you into a story of your choosing, or if you want, my choosing ( I have a fantastic imagination...go to ahemm.org if you question my abilites). All this for only ONE DOLLAR(US)!!! That's right, I'll underbid these overeducated fudge monkeys on welfare and post your own, personalized story online for only one dollar! For $5US I will print and mail you your story on standard Staples 8.5x11 inch white printer paper, complete with title page. Length of story depends on how drunk I am and how much I feel like writing, 300 words guaranteed. Subject of story is entirely up to you, no limits, or you can leave it to me (even less than no limits). Furthermore, if you don't like the story, for only $5US, you can have me write another one! Oh, the bargains!
Phil
zoner21@ahemm.org
United States of America - 16/2/05
Name a Cloud
For the low, low price of $10US, I will name a cloud after you or anybody you choose. 10% off on valentines day or other major holidays, real or made up. I give my word that I will go outside, find a cloud, and christen it you have requrested. For an additional $10US plus postage, I will mail you a certificate made with a crappy computer printer and crayons detailing the details of the cloud christening, and with a drawing of what the cloud would look like if a five year old drew it. Makes a very romantic gift for your ho.
Phil
zoner21@ahemm.org
United States of America - 16/2/05
Ditch the bitch
Don't have the balls to stand up to your horrible excuse for a girlfriend? Scared that she'll kick you in the balls? Been fucking her mother and can't admit it to her face? Have no fear! I'll break up with your girlfriend for you, no fuss no muss. I'll do it with a smile, with a frown, I'll even do it upside down. You send me $5US plus the cost of the long-distance telephone call, and I'll tell your girlfriend everything that is wrong with her from your perspective. Alternatively, for $50US plus travel costs, I will break up with your girlfriend face-to-face. Imagine the joy of knowing your whore of a fuckmate has been humiliated at work or at home by a remote breakup. Singing breakups and hilarious costumes can be arranged for additional fee. Just for fun, breakups via email are free.
Phil
zoner21@ahemm.org
United States of America - 16/2/05
Bertie Botts
For the amount of $50 (US), I will consume an entire box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor beans and describe each bean's flavor to you along with a picture of the box and the bean I consume for that day. I will consume one bean per day so that you can have numerous days of fun and knowledge of the candy without exposing yourself to the dangers of "is that vomit flavor or earthworm? Maybe it's booger." Additionally, I will describe to you my impressions and reactions (Did I vomit, need a glass of water, have a grass or dirt flavored burb, etc).
zephris
zephris@gmail.com
United States of America - 10/2/05
Be a Starving Artist for a Day
ART05 is a one day regional arts conference being held in Liverpool on Thursday Feb 24th 2005. Use my pre-booked entry to wander the venue mumbling such starving artist statements as "I dream of a brotherhood of artists - can I smell chips cooking?" or "I used to sit for Beryl Cook - I've only eaten a few Tic-Tacs since Tuesday". Might suit arts activist or a single issue campaigner. Twenty pounds o.v.n.o.
David Aspinall
info@davidaspinall.co.uk
United Kingdom - 10/2/05
Your Very Own Day
For the completely reasonable sum of $75 (US-- I think that's about forty-five P in the U.K. these days) I will, on the date of your choosing, celebrate YOU for the day and continue the tradition anually for the remainder of my natural life. On that day I will take off work (if applicable and professionally convenient); offer prayers, praise, and toasts in your name; decorate my environment for the holiday; and if possible convince my friends to go out for drinking and revelry in celebration of YOU on YOUR DAY. Notice: To add value and completely nix the chance that I get 365 or more replies, I will only accept one (1) offer, on a first-paid, first-celebrated-annually-for-the-rest-of-my-life basis. Serious offers only; no serial rapists, child molesters, warmongering heads of state or anyone else whose black deeds would otherwise jeopardize what passes for my soul by asking that I celebrate your presence on Earth. Further Notice: The parenthetical joke about forty-five P was made in jest; no offers of forty-five pence UK will be considered unless accompanied by the rest of the $75.
Omar
omar@omar.org
United States of America - 8/2/05
Gamble with my money
If you'd like to gamble but don't want to use you're money, I'll send you my money over paypal. that way you don't have any risk and at worst, i'm the only loser. this is a serious offer for online gamblers.
Dumbass
Brass_Dragonfly@yahoo.com
United States of America - 2/2/05
Take You Tandem Skydiving Only £225
I skydive thats what I do I've only ever skydive that what I like! (3000+ jumps) I'm good cause I like it and thats why I'm 10 national champion. Are U Ready?
Pete Mac
info@goskydive.com
United Kingdom - 28/1/05
I'm an arse and deserve a kicking
Hi, my name is Christopher and the email below is one I send out to people trying to con them out of money using the Tsunami disaster as an excuse. I stupidly left my email addresses and real phone number on the email. Feel free to phone me to call me an arse and to email me any dodgy stuff you can. Get me in all the trouble I deserve. Here's the email: Christopher Owono Edu London - England. Tel : +44 20 70 600459 Date : 24/1/05 As i write you this letter I only hope it gets to you in a positive state of mind. My name is Christopher Owono Edu. A citizen of Ghana, 23 years of age and presently studying in London-England. I write you this letter out of grief, desolation and total despair as I have lost my entire family including father, mother and two sisters who were on Asia tour when the tidal wave struck and took their whole lives in Sri Lanka. Infact, I would have been with them if not for my pressing academic work and exams that I was writing at the time.I have cried and cried until tears ceased to flow from my eyes asking God again and again why me? My late father Honourable Mr. Alex Owono Edu was a carrier diplomat and former ambassador of my country to Spain for 8 years during the rule of our Ex president Mr. J.J. Rawlings. Following the wake of the disaster, I was summoned to the chambers of our family lawyer here in U.K. who handed over to me a Certificate of Deposit and a strange looking key of a trunk box containing the sum of US$18million which was deposited by my late father in a self Storage and security company in Madrid -Spain. I was visibly shocked at this revelations but this Lawyer who also was a good friend and confidant of my late father explained that the money was proceeds from illegal and smuggled Gold sales transaction to European companies during his tenure in office. As you know, my Country Ghana is richly Blessed with Gold and other natural mineral resources. My father in turn was taking advantage of his diplomatic status to smuggle the Gold without been noticed. You see, I am a born again Christian and strongly believe in the second and imminent coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The end time is fast approaching and all these disaster, tribulations, epidemics, wars, nations against nations is a clear sign of the end time hence I have decided against claiming the money for my personal enrichment. I would have loved to return the money to the government of my country but decided against it as it will eventually land in the pockets of those rapacious government officials and that´s why I have taken a firm decision to offer it to the Tsunamis victims and some other charity organisations in Africa. Your role is to take delivery of the deposit in the self Storage company and further distribute it accordingly. You will only be entitled to 10% of the total sum for your time and to cover your travel expenses while claiming and distributing the funds. I would have done this myself but I do not have the time as I am presently rounding up my school programme and most especially, I do not want to have direct connection to that money. However, it will interest you to know that I have already travelled to Madrid briefly for a fact finding mission and to confirm the existence of the Deposit hence am writing to you. Upon your reply confirming your readiness and willingness to carry out this mission, I shall furnish you full details of the self storage company and a copy of the Deposit Certificate attached with a letter of Authorisation that permits you to take release of the trunk Box. On your reply, ensure that you include your full names and address and telephone number as shown in your international passport to enable me draft up a suitable letter of authorisation for the claim. In conclusion, I beg you to keep this letter and its contents in the strictest manner of confidentiality in order not to jeopardise the claim as the self storage company probably is not aware of the contents of the trunk box. I await your urgent response or phone call. You should reply me through my secured email address : owonoedu@seark.com May God Bless you as you carry out His wish. Yours Faithfully, Christopher Owono Edu
Christopher Owono Edu
owonoedu@zwallet.com
United Kingdom - 26/1/05
Struggling writer wants to tell you a story
But it’s not a story about me, it’s one about you. Ever want to be a mighty superhero? A dashing spy? The president of your own country? Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to overthrow the world and make everyone your slave but don’t have the balls to do it in real life. Well, then, tell me how you’ve always seen yourself and I will write you a short story where you do all those things (or, at least one of them). Here’s how it works: for $15.00 you get a fabulous 100 word vignette, for $30.00 a 250 word tale to amaze your friends with, and for a mere $60.00 you get an incredible 500 word short story (your best value at only .10 cents a word, now that’s the power of buying in bulk). The stories will be emailed to you to do whatever you wish with them, but for an extra $10.00, I will print out a copy of your story on the parchment paper of your choice (copper, ivory or blue), lovingly place it in a stylish certificate holder and mail it to you (postage included in the US, cause I’m that nice, anywhere else in the world we’ll have to discuss it). I will include a letter that transfers ownership of the story to you and tell you how to copyright it (my name must remain as the author, however, in any publication you may submit it to… yeah, and good luck with that). Email me today for further details and to get your copy of the profile questionnaire. Makes a GREAT Gift! Sorry, no C.O.D.’s, payment in full is required at time of agreement. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery (I still have a day job, you know).
Christian
the_word_factory@hotmail.com
United States of America - 23/1/05
Will write ANYTHING
For ANY PRICE I will write ANYTHING. I'm a struggling graduate desperatly wanting to earn a living but being constantly denied it by graduates whose parents continue to pay their way. Therefore i am on the dole, but depseratly trying to write. I will therefore write anything for any price. Homework, essays? You go it. Speechs? Proposals? Erotic fiction? ANYTHING.
Tom WIlliams
tom324new@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 19/1/05
You Decide
I will if you will. You go first. Price negotiable.
John Hirst
hirst_john@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 19/1/05
Donations for Sketches!
Due to recent money worries, I need to raise funds immediately, so I'm now offering character sketches for donations. Go to http://www.daniellundie.futurius.net/donate.html and donate something via the Donate button and I'll do you a rough sketch, either of the cartoon/comic character of your choice or give me details of your own characters and I'll do a quick character design for you. I hate asking for money like this, but I'll try and do you a good sketch for your hard-earned dough. Any and ALL donations are hugely appreciated and will go towards the most urgent of bills I need to pay off. Sketches will be single characters, no backgrounds, in pencil only and will be sent via e-mail. This is urgent, so again, any donations no matter how small are greatly appreciated and needed. See my art gallery at http://www.daniellundie.futurius.net for an idea of my range. Thanks!
Daniel Lundie
daniel@futurius.net
United Kingdom - 18/1/05
Dog Walking
I will watch your dog walk away and make no attempt to stop it.
Jumbo Jex
jumbojex@hotmail.co.uk
United Kingdom - 18/1/05
MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!
Listen up people let's make some history Send me as much money as you would like it doesn't really matter. As soon as I reach MILLIONAIRE status I promise to go on a talk show and personally thank every single person who donated to my fund, AND I will add any side note that you would want me to read off....whether you want me to tell the world your ex-boyfriend humped your pet pig...or if you want to express your undying love for Sasquatch it really doesn't matter!!!!! PLEASE MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE!!!! YOU WON'T BE SORRY!!!
Make Me A Millionaire
Heinrix_54@hotmail.com
United States of America - 17/1/05
Go to school.
For $5000.00 I will pay off my school debts and go back to school. I will tell you where to send the money, so the money won't even cross my hands! I will send you proof of enlistment, my schedule and an regular update on my grades. For an extra $5.00/month I will even send you all the notes I take and assignments I do for every class! A low rate of $200.00/semester and I'll even take one class (up to 4 credit hours) of YOUR CHOICE! Even if it has nothing to do with my major or minor, I'm there if you want me to be. Also, this one time offer includes the attendance record you want me to have. Yep. I can go as little as once a week or as often as 8 hours/day!! I can aquire documentation to prove it, too! Contact me with any information. I accept donations.
deborah
notwhy.whynot@gmail.com
United States of America - 13/1/05
I'll be your Internet Stalker
I'm willing to stalk you over the internet. I will find as much information as I can about you based on just a bit of information. I am not talking about social security numbers or anything, but pictures, information, school work, people who know you, etc. I'll put it in a small package so you know where I got all the information. The cost of this service will start at $40.00 and increase with the depth of information I find in addition to the amount. (For instance if I can't find that many sites that involve you it will be a flat rate of $40.00) For a small fee this service can include pretending to be someone you know (ex-girlfriend, secret admirer, roommate, sibling, anyone) and completely obsessing over you. I am able to make a fake AIM/livejournal/myspace/email/etc accounts so I can "keep track" of you. My level of involvement will directly correspond to information provided by you, your wants and needs and of course, price. (For instance, for a low price of $75.00/week I will pretend to be your ex-girlfriend and message you on AIM up to 20 times/day, leave you two-three livejournal posts and update a blog about how much I love you. Provided picture and will post them there and talk about the good old days when we were together. In addition to this I will email your friends (from a fake email address, of course) asking about your new girlfriend/life/friends and begging them for info.) Need an internet stalker, I'm your girl. Give me a call. All prices are negotiable and dependent on customer satisfaction.
deborah
notwhy.whynot@gmail.com
United States of America - 12/1/05
Your face in a comic magazine for £50
Actually, for just ten pounds you can have your name, website details or advert in the magazine. More of the "Your Face in a comic magazine" thing in a moment. Just 1 Page is a charity comic magazine, this year raising money for Childline, by auctioning the artwork. http://members.aol.com/just1page/J1P3.htm An assortment of top british comics professionals freely donate their time and art to the project. However, we also need funding for the magazine that is sold at the UK's Comics Expo and in several reputable comic shops. So we are selling banner ads on each black & white page for £10, on colour pages for £20, and if you want to appear in a comic strip that'll be seen around the world ... it'll cost Fifty Quid. All proceeds will go to the printing of the magazine, which will then be sold and ALL profits will go to Childline. (Just so you know what we won't do: nothing rude ! Although the magazine will feature a whole range of material, it should also be acceptable for impressionable youngsters.)
Ade Brown
just1page@aol.com
United Kingdom - 11/1/05
Any Time Any Where
I will at short notice, rate photographs of people that you intend to date. My critique is fantastic as I've dated many mingers and fantasised over a few beauties with madam hand and her five sisters! All I ask is a decent picture to judge and a picture of Interesting looking fish (internet pictures welcome) Spank You
Andi 'The' Lamb
Andi_Lamb_23@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 11/1/05
northern irish money
for 26million quid in traceable notes i will throw a huge party in belfast, this will not only rid you of your pretty hot cash but also bring peace and joy to the whole island. only party rule being you are not allowed to sell drugs at it.
andyf
andyf23@hotmail.com
Ireland - 10/1/05
fascination for sale
im a crazed individual who will send you at least 500 words from his warped yet acutely perceptive mind in a total torrent of consciousness style. £10 per totally original piece. no two people shall be sent the same piece.
Raquinto Anderros Julango
rajfire@rock.com
United Kingdom - 9/1/05
Shit hit the fan
I live in the country, so shit of all sorts is easy to get. Just send me a fan, fairly large and high powered, and I will make sure the excrement contacts the ventilating device. Cost? I'll keep the fan, and we'll call it square.
art
artsfarts@yahoo.ca
Canada - 8/1/05
Smile Please
Student Photographer seeks models. Not fees will be paid but I will buy you a pint and show you my gratitude. This is legitimate, I just need a handful of people willing to help me out. It will be really interesting. I'll give you a print to keep. P.S I like J_P Witkin.
Emily
strungbungjung@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 8/1/05
Shout insults at Amerika
Yes, due to my close proximity to the U.S.A., I will stand on a hill, and shout insults at the country in general. Left to my own devices, they would usually take the form of political slurs, calling them the greatest threat to world peace, mindless over-consumers, and generally call into question their choice of leaders. This I would gladly do for the bargain price of $1.00 Can. per insult. Specific insults, of a non-threatening nature can be negotiated.
art
artsfarts101@yahoo.ca
Canada - 5/1/05
WANTED
30 chinamen and a zepelin for an elaborate practical joke. Please call: 07838116110 Thank you!
Chris
c.fullbrook@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 5/1/05
BUY ME TOILET ROLL!
I want to buy the really good toilet rool, the soft but strong stuff. The stuff they give away free puppies with, y'know? But the thing is I have absolutely no money and I'm pretty desperate right now. So I'm taking donations. I don't want anyone to send me toilet roll or anything. I just want monetary donations, so I can have the dignity of going into the shop and buying the good stuff myself. Please PLEASE help me out. I'm really bloody poor. Starving artist and all that. I have a Paypal account ready to take money from anywhere on Earth, and absolutely any donation would be greatly appreciated! To donate go to http://www.donatotron.0catch.com/ and use the Donate button to give whatever you can, even if it's only a pound or something! Anyone that donates will have a special wish of gratitude and love sent their way while I poop!
Dan
millarworlddrawoff@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 4/1/05
Flyer and poster design
Graphic designer and illustrator with nearly 10 years experience. Work with natural media as well as digital. Have a background in screen printing, press printing and desktop publishing. App's include: AdobePhotoshop, CorelDraw, AdobeIllustrator, Macromedia Freehand, Adobe In-Design, QuarkXpress, and Adobe Pagemaker. Currently specializing in vector illustration with a desire to work primarily with poster and flier graphics. My company receives $60 per hour for what I do in the day, on my own time I am willing to charge half that. Please email me for portfolio info. and for a time estimate on your project. Look forward to doing business with you.
Tracy
neoretro01@hotmail.com
United States of America - 4/1/05
for $20 I'll fill out your singles profile and get you laid*
For the mere price of $20 and your basic info, I will write a smashing singles profile that you can post online. Make yourself sound clever and witty, even though you're not. Charm the socks off her or him, at least until you meet. *not a guarantee
Anthony
andymerril@yahoo.com
United States of America - 3/1/05
Tedious pseudo 'art' project not for hire
For precisely no benefit, financial or spiritual and no obvious kudos whatsoever I shall endeavour to fabricate an imaginary 'art' project involving music, visual art, the internet and literature but not really. I shall make a vague grab at infamy by occasionally deliberately linking this with a rock/dance band who left the music business over a decade ago and make available MP3 'samples' of my derivative and unvaried 'music', whilst pretending the complete tracks are available and boring the collective pants off anyone who still cares, and spinning 2 plates. I shall also slowly make more information (including photos of myself, out of pure vanity) available when I realise that people's interest is flagging to the point that it is about as substantial as the project itself.
Mickey Kay
anotherredherring@home.com
United Kingdom - 3/1/05
Campaign for the introduction of a OBESITY SURCHARGE on all flights leaving the United Kingdom.
Hate sitting next to fat people on a plane? Pay the same as a 'fatty' for your ticket? For £1950 I will organise a London demonstration campaigning for the introduction of a system to tackle these problems. People above the MEAN weight for the age group in which they exist would be required to pay an excess charge. Not unlike excess baggage. This would benefit them (in some cases the shame of paying £££ of 'excess lard' would encourage dieting) and other members of the public (taking pressure off the NHS, less obese people on planes etc.). This is a system fit for the capitalist society in which we live. Pregnant women and those on some prescription medicines would be exempt.
Mr Kent
campaign23@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 3/1/05
get my inside lip tattooed
ill get my inside of my lip tattoed for $50
mitchell hadden
michellhadden@aol.com
Australia - 3/1/05
Your name in the sand
For a mere $10 Canadian, I will write your name in the sand, at low tide, on a beach where the highest tides in the world will soon cover it. For $5 more you can have a second name plus connecting words such as: loves, hates, Fu*#!, etc. Your choice. Also available is bad poetry (with or without your name, or someone else's again, Your choice). My rate, a very reasonable $1 per word ($15 min.) Other requests considered, rates to be negotiated. 1 low-res. photo will be e-mailed to you if requested. Don't hesitate, this is the best deal of such an impermanate nature available this century.
art
artsfarts101@yahoo.ca
Canada - 1/1/05
Need to clean out your fridge?
I eat everything. I will eat anything in your fridge, if you simply send it to me. I will even eat expired foods, and take pictures of my eating it. So take this golden opporutunity to clean out your fridge!!!
Alidar Jarok
AlidarJarok@gmail.com
United States of America - 31/12/04
rate your looks
I will give you a totally honest rating out of 10 on how good looking you are. All you need to do is email me a picture or two of yourself and I'll email you back with a rating, no cost.
brad
townsvillebrad@hotmail.com
Australia - 31/12/04
Lend Me Money
If anyone can lend me a large sum of money for 6 months(so I can generate interst from the bank) I will pay you back everything you lent me, hence you wont have spent it so in fact I'm saving you money.
Stu
stumoz73@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/12/04
Lend Me Money
If anyone can lend me a large sum of money for 6 months(so I can generate interst from the bank) I will pay you back everything you lent me, hence you wont have spent it so in fact I'm saving you money.
Stu
stumoz73@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/12/04
View Page:
back
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
next
