Monster Raving Looney
I for anyone willing to pay me the cost of expenses i shall endevour to find the elusive Screaming Lord Such.
I have my suspiscions but i shall not divulge them until such time as my services have been enlisted, suffice to say that he may have shuffled off this mortal coil to become a transcendental being in the dimension down the corridoor third on the right.
you can see where the need for expenses come in.
I know someone out there wants to see 'Screaming' in Blair's place... make me proud.
davethemusicalmadman
count_de_sade@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/8/05
A lil suprise!!!
if you send me £5/$8, i will send you back a lil suprise,something that you will never forget.....
starrywalsh@hotmail.com
Ireland - 12/8/05
Take Pictures Of Me Doing Anything
for £10 I will take 10 pictures of me doing anything you want with my digital camera I will then email them to you. Just think you could have your own pics of me doing the garden , standing at the bus stop or anything you desire. All payments through Paypal. Hurry now whilst stocks last....
Steve
sd33uk@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 11/8/05
I will off-road your truck
that's right. I will take you 4wd truck to any local off road park and beat the crap out of it. Cliffs, mud bogs, roll overs....you name it I will do it for $100 US, you pay gas and recovery charges. I will send 5 pics for an extra $10 and 20 pics for $15 extra.
Nate
Nateemurray@yahoo.com
United States of America - 10/8/05
Interpretive Song And/Or Dance
Send me an e-mail about yourself, of any length and relevance, and I will write and record a song about you, played on either French horn, trumpet, trombone, piano, or voice (no lyrics, just vocables), your choice of which, for only $15 US. For an extra $5, I will mail the original ink score to wherever the hell you want. For an extra $15, I will perform an interpretive dance about you to the music, to be recorded and e-mailed. Add another $10 to receive a VHS of the dance. The songs and dances will each be at least 3 minutes long. I would also be happy to perform a dance without a song. I reserve all rights to the original music and dances, including their exhibition for profit.
Erin
Horn.In.E@gmail.com
United States of America - 2/8/05
Send you the story of my life, unblievable survival. $10.00 each.
I will send you my story about how I just missed numerous life threatining experiances from plane crashes to hospital mistakes.
All the money received will be used to get my life back togeather due to big medical bills and meds which I need to survive.
$10.00
Rev. R.E. Johnston
photosbyroger@yahoo.com
United States of America - 31/7/05
nutcracker
For just $50Au (plus travel) i will run up to any person (excluding police), punch them in the nuts, then run away. Force of blow negotiable.
Leman
lemansalador@hotmail.com
Australia - 30/7/05
I Will take the blame
for a $15.00 a month charge I will take the blame whenever you get into trouble with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner never again will you have to explain yourself when you arrive late or spent to much money on clothes
Sergio
jumpman23_32@yahoo.com
United States of America - 29/7/05
my pinkie finger
i will cut off the tip of my pinkie finger for 100,000 american dollars. any hand.
thanks
art
artur.r.oczko@ssa.gov
United Kingdom - 29/7/05
Anything for women
I live in Jacksonville Florida . Let me know what you want. I will do almost anything.
Larry
larryr67@yahoo.com
United States of America - 29/7/05
LOVE PACKAGE
for only 5$us i will mail a package of fresh dog turds to anyone from an anonymous address..good for birthdays weddings and bar mitzvahs... i will also nclude a label that reads"Mr. Jenkins fine fudge"
djkrispONE
DJKRIPONEATL@HOTMAIL.COM
United States of America - 22/7/05
sort out your mid life crisis
past 50 and just decided to buy an overpriced lambretta with lots of shiny mirrors and pretend your still a mod by ditching your greenwoods outfit and buying a parka and an ill fitting fred perry.well for just i bottle of white lightning i will come round paint your scooter matt black,cut it down and for a finale climb on your shed roof and shit all over your overpriced northern soul singles.(and on the way home i'll drop you at the local bowling club)
lamx
forku@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 21/7/05
Send me $5 and I will buy you one ticket for the California Super Lottery.
Send me five random numbers between 1-47 and one mega number between 1-27. I keep 10% of any winnings over $100
Carlos
carltrevi5@aol.com
United States of America - 13/7/05
Clean up after your party
I will clean your house after your party plus go to the shops and get you all you need to combat your hangovers, plus generally pamper any casualties back to health, make tea, fried breakfast etc etc. Will probably come with a helper, price negotiable. London only.
NB I have already entered this service and it has a black star, but I entered my email address wrongly.
Gina
ginajenkins@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 12/7/05
Ego Massage With Essential Oils
It's three o'clock in the morning, you might as well be alone in the world, you're unsure of yourself... Well fear not, simply drop me an email detailing your fears and I will respond as quickly as I can, doing my best to let you know how ace you are. I am quite nocturnal so it will probably be a speedy reply. The cost of this is nothing, just let me know if it helps.
Disclaimer: There is no guarentee attatched to this product. All rights reserved, all wrongs reversed.
g_love
heliconx@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 11/7/05
Ten Commandments
Dear Viewer,
I will break any one of the Ten Commandments (as described in the King James Bible), for the price of fifty English pounds.
Two commandments; 100 pounds.
Four, 150 pounds.
Five for 200 or all ten for 500 pounds.
Please contact me as soon as possible with your chosen commandment(s).
Sincerely, James Harris
James Harris
worldwidelie@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 11/7/05
Pass the buck
Simply send me $1, and I will pass it on to someone else.
sleazesells
eruption842001@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 11/7/05
My Sister's a Mormon
No, not moron, you moron. She's a Mormon, which means I get into heaven no matter what fucked-up thing I've done. Those Latter-Day Saint nutjobs get all their relatives, even those that died a long time ago, a free pass through the pearly gates. So say you lusted after your neighbor's ass or said "Goddammit" once when you were 15, you're going to hell. But if one of those Mormon people gets related to you sometime, even to one of your idiot descendants, the angels will pluck your sorry ass out of the lake of fire and toss you right into Mormon Heaven. (If you're white, that is, colored folks go a different one) So send me 20 bucks and I'll tell my sister that you're related to my future wife, and you'll get grafted onto the family tree and your eternal soul will be guaranteed a place at the lord's feet at some later date, without having to go through the trouble of believing all that cracked-up Mormon garbage.
Chris
thecrispiest@msn.com
United States of America - 11/7/05
SELLING SOUL !
i will sell my soul for 5 pounds , it has only been used once ... in doors e mail me if you would like to buy it .... i accept payment through paypal
x
AARON SMITH
aaronsim85@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/05
Gap Stuffers
We provide a welcome relief when you are at a loss for words. Perfect for the first time you meet the in laws, first dates, funerals, job interviews – so when that embarrassing silence starts we will fill that gap – ‘no gap to big, no gap too small, we've got the crap to fill them all' obviously we can't tell you in advance what will come out of our dirty mouths that's all part of our unique service - we're not bad looking either
Email for competitive rates
dirty sluts
gapstuffers@hotmail.co.uk
United Kingdom - 7/7/05
talkin' bob dylan blues
talk to you in a nice pub in edinburgh, but only about bob dylan. you buy the drinks.
my price:£50-£10,000 depending on how much i would like to speak to you without being paid for it.
duncan taylor
duncant5@aol.com
United Kingdom - 6/7/05
seller
original pictures of former uganda dictator IDI AMIN DADA.
OSCAR KAMUKAMA
kamukama@mail.com
Uganda - 6/7/05
Years Of Fantasy
Have you ever loved a man so much you would give up everything for him? has he refused you? has he teased you with his loving glance? Well I will offer you the chance to stay in his arms, I will give you his tender love and his moist and loving kiss, i will give you everything that you want of him and more. If your love fantasy is unlivable and just out of this world I will provide it for you... Do you want hardship's and challenges but make them imposible to fail? do you want him to look better then he already does? do you want yourself to perform better in bed for him. I can make that hapen as well.
Report from satisfied customer:
The years of fantasy company has helped me with my life. It may not be real but it has lifted me out of my depression and satisfied me more then the real thing could. I ordered the midevil japanese package and well it is unbelieveable. I am more beautiful, more successful, more sought after by men. Not to metion what happens behind closed doors. Thank you Years of Fantasy!
See this all can be yours, we provide lenghts of different services. it can strech from a few day to a few years or even for the rest of your life. each length of time costs different amounts. it is also very affordable. $500 for a week, 1000 for a month, and so on... but there is no charge for being in there your whole life, for the simple fact you will be spending our whole life in the fantasy.
So please choose wisely and enjoy you love life
President of years of fantasy,
JoAnn Beatty
For details please contact:
JoAnn
venus_willowbear@msn.com
United States of America - 4/7/05
Voodoo lovin
I am a specialist in voodoo, and if you pay me 50$ i will give you voodoo lovin. all you have to do is give me a picture so i can mold a doll of you and i will 'touch you' how ever you want, anytime.
Holly
HuGz_KiSsEz_69@hotmail.com
Canada - 2/7/05
$1 to save a cat
I hate cats, cant stand them so if you donate $1 to the save the cat fund, you'll save a cat for only $1, it cheap for a cat, I kill them for free. So go ahead save a cat today!!
Paypal:
afreeman@xsil.com :)
Freeman
afreeman@xsil.com
United Kingdom - 1/7/05
Hack Into A Computer
For $2000 cash, i will hack into a home, unnetworked computer of your choice, as long as you have some kind of access to it, and gather any information you wish; e-mails, documents, pictures, evidence, etc.. If you have something that is locked by a parent/spouse/employer or you need access to information on a particular machine, i can hack into it and crack any password, open any file, view any document and you won't even know i was there. Serious inquiries only.
Casper
caspernova295@optonline.net
United States of America - 30/6/05
Now you can PAY to breathe!!
Is the air you breathe less than fresh? Do you live in a highly polluted city and have a burning sensation in your throat every time you breathe in? Well I am here to solve your problem for you! I live very close to the seafront on the south coast of England, and the air here is lovely and fresh! For £5 a go, I will go buy some airtight bags, go down the beach and bag you some fresh air.
Why breathe that nasty shit for free when you can PAY for my air!?
Ross
Ross_H@Hotmail.co.uk
United Kingdom - 30/6/05
absolutely anything
will do absolutely anything for a fair price so let your imagination run wild and make me an offer i cant refuse.
steve
evo_320@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/6/05
How I would save the world
I would save the world and my price would be the lives of every demon that roams the Nether.
Brian G!
g.loves.jungle@gmail.com
United States of America - 30/6/05
anything
whatever you want or need. I do it all
Sally
lki@dton.com
United Kingdom - 29/6/05
for the price of $50AMD i will sit on my couch and not move (unless bathroom calls) for an entire week
Keith
Hellriser687@gmail.com
United States of America - 28/6/05
Killer for hire - Price negotiable
I will kill anyone in any place at any time. Send email with victim's name and address. Price will be negotiated beforehand via email. Half the payment will be given to me before the job and half will be given to me after. Write your email's subject as 'Puppies' so I don't delete it.
A
ramza321@hotmail.com
United States of America - 28/6/05
Tagged.
I will write your name, or symbol of your choice, on as many places you want me to all over the city of Long Beach for $1.50 USD ($1.50 for each place time). That includes restaurants, rest stops, my bed room, my apartment complex, and on small children. For $300 I'll get it tattooed on myself.
Brandi
GurrWhyME@aol.com
Uraguay - 28/6/05
I MEAN ANYTHING!
Mature male UK needs £50,000. ANYTHING that can be done in one day!
Dave
dcjtee@aol.com
United Kingdom - 28/6/05
hmmmmm
for a small fee of 50p, per minute, i will deliberate any subject with you. not sure if you want to leave your job? partner? life? or even little things like whether you should eat that 2-week-old-chicken-sandwitch-that-you-found-on-the-floor. for an extra fee of £15 i will make any decision for you!!! you will never have to decide on anything again, leave stress behind.
littlelaurabee
lbridger85@aol.com
United Kingdom - 28/6/05
drink 10 pints in 2minutes
i would drink 10 pints in 2minutes if you pay for the drink nd maybe a pack of crisps aswell!
C
cccc@yahoo.ie
Ireland - 28/6/05
Haiku for you!
I write haiku. Awful haiku. Haiku that almost got me fired from many, many, many jobs.
And for $1.62, I'll send you one. Or, if you perfer, for $1.93 I'll MAKE one for you, on any topic you desire. And, if your not happy with your haiku, I'll refund $.02 cents.
Here's some examples: Asian chicks are hot But they think I'm the devil Damn Hiroshima
I fucked your mom once She was hot before you came But now I fuck you
Holy Warrior On a metal eagle's wing Burn twin towers, burn
If intrested, please send payment via paypal (geshar4@aol.com) - and if ordering subject based haiku, please send desired haiku subject.
Also, if you are intrested, I will send you one haiku every day for an entire year at the cost of $173.89. That's a savings of almost 33%! You can even respond to the haiku every day with the next day's subject matter, if you like.
Please send money. I'm living on a bag of rice. I haven't had protein in days. The cat looks tasty now. Please help.
Haiku Master
Geshar4@aol.com
United States of America - 28/6/05
Cheap Entertainment
Send me all your blue smarties and I will ensure that they become a substitute for my neurotic, drug fucked, recently out on parole brother's mood medication. I will then proceed to escort him to various crowded, public locations via the patented get him off the lounge with a joint/cigarette/$5 note tied with fishing line to the end of a long stick method - hilarity will ensue. For $29.95 plus postage and handling I will send you a DVD of his lovable antics, shoulder barging little old ladies, screaming into prams and expressing his own unique perspective on foreign immigration policy to anyone who has so much as the slightest tan.
Act now and I will include at no extra charge the making of the sugguestion that the guy in the Easter Bunny costume at the mall is the last guy who ratted him out to the cops.
Offer includes eating all the other coloured smarties that you have left over.
BigFatSadist
bfs@yahoo.com
Australia - 28/6/05
Relationship
Hey am willing to provide friendship ,vitual relationships, and one to one communication on anything
Anthony
antice@gmail.com
India - 27/6/05
Kill an endangered animal
I will kill any endangered animal for free if you send it to me. For the price of a video camera and mailing, I will videotape it and send it to WWF. I also get to chose the way it's done...not you! Selfish fucker.
Jordan
poker_god@hotmail.com
Canada - 27/6/05
BUYING STARBURST WRAPPERS
i will pay you for starburst wrappers .... as many as you can get.... i make starburst bracelets and necklaces by request.. please contact me if interested in getting one or if you have starburst wrappers ...
katie
wickedoldarch@aol.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I will be your girlfriend.... :)
I WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! I'll write you e-mails... instant message you... write to you.... all for a simple price of 40 dollars a month.... I will LOVE YOU! I will do all that stuff each and everyday... When I wake up and before I go to sleep... and in between that... I WILL LOVE YOU!!!
Rico
liljesse898@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Feeling unloved?
Tired of thinking you're unatractive? Think nobody secretly loves you enough to follow you everywhere you go while hidding in the shadows? Feeling left out of conversations with friends when they talk about being followed by strange men at night? Well if you need a stalker and live in the Palm Desert, California area then your in luck! for a fair price of $25/month and you daily schedual i will stalk, leave you sweet yet disterbing love notes, and for an extra $10/month i'll even plant small hidden recording divices around your house hold and work to watch your every move. Act fast befor this offer ends!!!
Albin Lambert
ha_ha_dood@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Procrastination
Hi I'm a nice person and for no price at all I will send you emails that you just have to put to the top of your list and answer thats right no price at all and you will get nice, abusive, sexy, loving or anything else emails that will be an excuse for you to NOT DO WORK...
Anna
greenpizzawithcheese@hotmail.com
Australia - 27/6/05
I will kill your worst enemy
Is someone giving you trouble. Did they piss you off? Did that bastard at work fire you? Is someone threatening your family? Do you need to put your dog sleep?
Allow me extend my services in the human extermination business. I work 100,000 minimum. Jobs overseas require more money and you must pay for the accomodations.
Rules:
No names.
Give me a location and a picture.
A possible schedule is a good bonus but not needed as I can find this myself.
I only get paid when you get the job done.
The less we know about each other, the better things will be.
gnikoj tsuj
Human Exterminator
thehonorableninja@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Zombies?! Be prepared!
We all know it is going to happen! The day the dead walk the earth and feast upon the juicy pink flesh of the living. Do you want to be cuaght with your proverbial pants down? I and a small group of like minded individuals have spent many a year thinking on this subject. We are prepared and believe you should be too. For a small donation of $20.00 to my paypal account We will let you in on the secret to survival.
We will send you the address of our planned H.Q, details on how to get here, locations in your area of safe houses, Locations of weaponry, simple rules to survive and a whole list of items and tips you need to survive.
For $50.00 we will come get you, think about the looks on your friends faces when you tell them you have a group of commando's coming to your rescue while they must be fodder for the flock of diseased! With advances in medical technology reviving dead tissue will become possible, but to what end we ask? To what end!
Think about it. Do you want to become one of the undead or do you want to survive. for a additional $50.00 we will allow you a place on the council help make decisions about the way of the new world government we will create. Run things your way.
Patrick Quinn
MurderousIntent@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Ego Boost
feeling really sad about yourself? want praising? im your girl! for the small price of £5 i will spend half an hour every day for 2 weeks telling you how great you are? now doesnt that sound fantastic you georgeous person you?
Stacey
matrixie@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Bet you can't Hack my website!
I bet any of you nerdy hackers you couldn't hack my site!! $100 to the first one to do it!
http://welcome.to/knightsofhonour
I'm the master you are just my slaves
The Master
knights@hotmale.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Eat For Anyprice
Im willing to eat whatever you want for a cash in hand transaction.... get in contact coz im straving...!
STEVEN
theanswer001@hotmaIL.com
Ireland - 27/6/05
Yo-yo Man For HIRE!
I'm a amateur yo-yoer looking to get shows! I'm only charging $75 per half-hour show until August 15th, you also pay flight and hotel. Email me for videos/picture.
Erick
ErickPlaystation@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Big Can
a can that is large for a doolAR.
bob
bob@aol.com
Afganistan - 27/6/05
Any Basketball Trick Shot
I will attempt as many times as it takes to make any basketball trick shot. This includes shots that are:behind the back ,banked off the garage, made using my head, bounced off the ground between my legs, made from long distances, kicked in soccer-style, or any other difficult shot you can come up with. I will provide you with the video of me making the shot for a price of only $2. This can be sent to me through PayPal. Think of it as playing horse against me, without having to make the amazingly difficult shot.
Anonymous
poolshark713713@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Anything
I will do anything, for $100 that is. The only thing i won't do is murder. Buy me!!!
Adam
adamlowe8@hotmail.com
Ireland - 27/6/05
send me anything!!!!
send me anything, whether its a peice of paper, or a huge expensive mansion. I will generously accept all of ur offers at your expense. If u do, i'll...i'll...well i cant think of anything to do for u BUT if u can make me rich then i will PERSONALLY COME TO EACH PERSON WHO CONTRIBUTEDOF AND THANK U IN PERSON AND AIR IT ON OPRAH.
nikki
cruisecontrol666@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Experience New York City for $100 round-trip
For only $100 USD! Send me a digital color photo of yourself wearing the stupidest outfit you have. I will have your photo enlarged to life-sized and mounted on stiff cardboard. I will then place it in the middle of Central Park NYC USA for one month. At the end of the month, I will mail the life-sized photo back to you so you can see how much damage, graffiti, dog pee, human pee, bumper stickers, chewing gum wads, mucus spewage, used condoms, and other abuse it's been subjected to. I guarantee you will be very satisfied.
Oleander
cinzbenz52@mail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
TELLERTALE
i would go on dates with you just to for you to show your asshole friends that you are not a loser. depends how you look...hot-40$ ugly 80$
erika
girlxuxa@aol.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
hate your neighbors?/ ex- girlfriend/ ex-boyfriend/ teacher/ mom/ dad/ sister/ bro/ mother in-law/ father-in-law
do u hate someone?...want them to be scared out of their minds?? For $50.00 i will include a basic package of stalking, egging, sending bloody i love u notes and dead rats to the person of your choice.
for just 50.00 dollars more u can also include poisonous snakes, monkeys, and spiders. but send me the money now and i will personally sneak into their house wearing the costume from scream! and this will be at no cost. Please email me if u wish to contact me on payment options or future packages that will be offered. Serious offers only!...so email me today!!!!
nikki
cruisecontrol666@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Have a pesky neighbor problem?
Let me help you! I am a 100% certified eradicator of the human species with a slightly expired license to kill. That's okay though, I get the job done. Prices vary depending on the person and the situation. I promise you'll never be detected! In fact, I guarantee it! Price range list: Bum with no family: FREE! Average man/woman with family: $20,001 Rich Important man: $40,001 President or Celebrity: Free... unless I'm caught. Looking Forward to doing Buisness with you all! -Ike.
Ike
morbid_silence23@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I will tell you I love you
For $5 I will send you an email every day for a week telling you I love you. I will send it at random times during the week so it will be more of a pleasant surprise when you recieve it. For an $2 extra I will elaborate an how it makes me feel to love you, using a minumim of 2 sentences to expresss my thoughts.
Kiss Bunny
kissbunny@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
hot stuff
for the measly price of 15£, i will skip work to watch this morning on itv, proceeding this i will create an essay detailing my experiences while watchin day time tv. creating an essay could be truncated with masturbation/jerry springer.
john hope
pist_n_broke2002@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Fun conpanionship offered
For free, I will take you to do fun stuff, like swimming, ice-skating, fishing, etc...
Applicants must be female, and not over 5'6''
Jonathan
j.m.amey@ex.ac.uk
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Bored? Need to procrastinate?
For any amount of money you think deserving, i will be your search engine/ Advicee.
Email me for recommendations for a say - Good game, Good Movie, Something stupid to do, a funny dare, a stupid Joke, and stuff like that. I can also double up as a problem solver (no homework, i'll just reply - No Dumbass.).
This work as a donation. Email me with the title Procrastinate. Inside the message, tell me what you want, that you can't be bothered in searching for. This will be a 1-2 day service, Quickest service in Weekends.
And if you found that i give good advice on what to do, etc. You may donate me!
So, Ask me to find something, and i shall in time, find the real Stuff.
PS: No stupid stuff. or again, like homework. I'll reply - No Dumbass.
'Terrel'
Terrel@mailpuppy.com
United Kingdom - 27/6/05
Personal Song
for just $29.99 US dollars, i will personally write a song about you. Just email me your name, some information about you, hobbies, family, exc. I will then put it with music and mail it to you.
Kaitlyn
thepoptart_conspiracy@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I'd kill myself for $US1000.00
I would kill myself as long as I'm paid in cash before the actual act. However you have to agree to then deposit said amount into my bank account upon my demise then perform immediate revival surgery on me.
On second thoughts there should be someone trained in this sorta stuff on hand.
Then again make it a bank transfer a day before I kill myself with the clause that If I do not acutually die said amount remains in my account.
Infact here's the deal:
We don't even have to meet in person. I will kill myself then email you to confirm my death.
Can't beat that deal with a piece of stick & some elbow grease!!!
Some Guy
cyber_ghost411@yahoo.com
Antigua & Barbuda - 27/6/05
Trouble with the ladies?
Not so lucky with the ladies lately? That girl you like, doesn't seem to remember your name, or simply doesn't know that you exist? Fear not, the solution is here!
You need a wingman!
Although, I can't promise that I'll make you a hunk in one night, I'll be sure to make everyone else think that you are!
I'm offering social proof, operating as a pivot to help you get any woman you'd like. I'll help you get in the right state and comfort you when needed. I'll lie my ass off by bragging about how a fantastic person you are and about your great achievments etc. I'll basically do everything that makes you the best catch there is! One night is all you need!
So, what are you waiting for? For the ludicrous price of 50£, I can almost guarantee that lady luck will smile upon you! *Traveling expenses, drinks etc. will be added to the fee.
Calvin
RageInside@gmail.com
Norway - 27/6/05
I would do...
Barely anything. For $1.
Robert B
woodenshoe97441@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Your words, my language
Hola, bellos. Ever wanted to wisper sweet spanish nothings in you lover's ear or cuss someone out in a new an invetive way. I will translate from english to spanish, mexican style, anything you'd like. $5 for every 100 words. Just e-mail what you'd like translated. I will then send you a mailing address for the payment (sorry, but I have no paypal). When it is recieved, I will send your translation to your in-box. Sounds pretty fare to me and may even help you find a hot latin lover. Hasta luego, muchachos y muchachas.
Marisol
mayanseatower@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Custom songwriter
I'm a writer of dittys, funny songs, and occasionally something serious. I compose and record custom songs on most any subject - you name it.
I did pen one called I Like (****)Twinkies but the buyer turned out to be a hopless pervert and I cancelled on him. Too bad, 'cause it was a funny tune!
Cost for a romantic, satire, goofy... personally written song in the style you like, lyrics and all? $5,000.00 USD.
We share the copyright and you keep the original song. For travel expenses, I'll show up with guitar in hand and perform it live.
Bless ya!
Bryan
bryanhupperts@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I'll write and illustrate a short story in exchange for bottle caps
Hi. I'm an aspiring children's book writer and illustrator who is trying to get her name in the Guinness Book of World Records by having the largest bottle cap collection. Just send me a milk bottle cap, and I'll write and illustrate a story for you, using your bottle cap! If you send more than one milk bottle cap, I'll personalize your story and make it longer than a page. The more bottle caps you send, the longer your story will be. Please email me if you're interested.
Thanks and have a nice day!
Lori
lori_smile@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
better by comparison
for $20/hr + travel exp. i will stand next to you at any party or date as to make you look better by comparison.
juliana
foofoofoo4@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I will mock foreigners for $10
Have you ever been made fun of by foreigners? Are you a foreigner with low self esteem yourself? Well for one easy payment of $10 I will make fun of foreigners for you. Its fun, easy, and if your reading this you can probably put a little more effort into contacting me. so mail me today and you'll be making fun of (place ethnic group here) in no time!
Mr. Big
eddie_bautista@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Help Buy My Sex Change
Your generous PayPal donations will allow me to quit my job and start the process towards becoming a female. Once I start, contributors will receive weekly updates until the day I have the operation. As this process takes a few years, this will be the gift that keeps on giving. Or, I'll just keep the money and blow it on lap dances :)
Trey
grl_confused@cox.net
United States of America - 27/6/05
.....
ill be your friend, just cut me a check for the amout you think is fair and ill be your best friend, someone to talk to, confide in, whatever, as long as it more than $20
charlie
cbryant87@aol.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Be Your GF
I will be your girlfriend for the low price of $200/hour for each hour we are together. I will do anything a normal girlfriend does, ex: give you a massage, go out to dinner, get dirrty...also, I will e-mail all of your friends telling them how great you are and how much I love you. ALSO, an added bonus is framed pics of me naked, PLUS I'll send some to your friends so you'll be popular.
America Banderes
america_b_1000@aol.com
Spain - 27/6/05
Send me to grad school!
Plain and simple: I need money to go to grad school, which will cost me approximately $30,000 (US), not including commuting and/or housing costs. Your one-time contribution of just $1.00 (or more) will help pay my tuition so that I can make something of myself and have something to brag about at my high school reunion. If you would like to send me $1.00 a day, you can support me at the "sponsor" level. Each month you will receive a picture and handwritten letter of other grad students, like me, who benefit from sponsor support. Imagine the shining smile on the face of a grad student who just bought a plagiarized paper online with your contribution dollars. ...Okay, I'm just kidding about the letters and the paper. But seriously, send me money for grad school. All major credit cards proudly accepted at PayPal: lacubana17@hotmail.com
Thanks!
Janet
lacubana17@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I will add you to my msn !
For the low cost of $0.00 I will add you to my friends list on MSN messenger! Have no friends on there? Then add me for that great low price!
Cameron
louisvillecardinalsrock@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Just for Ha Ha's
I am curious to see if anyone would send 50 cents. Just half a dollar to my paypal account davidcouture@cox.net. I think it would funny to see how many people would be willing to send me 50 cents who knows maybe it could get in the Guissness Book of World Records. Just think maybe you're e-mail or name could be in a list of people who helped out making this record if it could even be a record.
David
davidcouture@cox.net
United States of America - 27/6/05
your own theme!
Haven't you fantasized about having your own TV show, with your own theme song? Of course you have! Now you can have half of your fantasy come true! I will, for a fee*, craft you a theme**. Be the envy of your friends and coworkers! Get laid more!*** You choose the genre, I provide the creativity! And...for just a bit more#, I can play your theme for you, at any function or place! Imagine the impact this could have on your life! Email me today!
*$50 for a 30 second bass line $150 for a 30 second power trio line $200 for a 30 second power trio line with vocals. Pricing includes your theme on CD or mp3. Longer themes cost more. Email for pricing.
** For personal, noncommercial use only. Commercial users, call for pricing.
*** Your mileage may vary. If you are extremely gamey, your own theme may not help...but it sure can't hurt!
# Namely, round trip plane ticket, lodging and meals for length of gig.
dixon
daofktr@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Sex therapy
Not getting any on your own? We'll do it for you! For a small fee of $10, we'll have sex, and e-mail you when it is all over.
Price only includes one position, a small surcharge ($1) will be added for each additional position.
John and Lyn
jal1203@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
My toes
I will send you one picture of each of my toes each day. As in day 1 - big toe day 2 - the other one, until you get all ten toes. All this ... for $20. You can also e-mail me for questions like if I'm male or female kinda thing. But you have to e-mail me ! I'm not just gonna tell you.
Alex Null
alexbabe@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
fo'shizzle my pickle
$100 to eat a pickle
Bruno Taylor
peas_on_earth13@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Hallway Cupboard Ghost
There is no real explanation needed. For just $20 you can purchase this ghost of a young woman which has inhabited my hallway closet for over 50 years. She has a sad and horrific story behind her death, which only she can tell you. So how badly do you want to know?
Sarah Beetle
love_is_99@hotmail.com
Australia - 27/6/05
Buy My Book
I'm a long time writer, but first time publisher. Please visit my selling page and buy my book. Tell everyone you know and tell them to tell everyone they know... I can't afford publicity, so this is my self whoring ad.
Brad Sharp
zaxxonq@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Public Humiliation for a dollar a minute!
I'm a 5'9", average build, curly hair wielding caucasian who will do anything legal in public for a dollar a minute. That's right, anything legal. Some things have a higher price, such as eating. I'm pretty picky about that, but if your suggestion entertains me, I'll most likely do it. You want me to stand in a corner at the local McDonalds saying gibberish while wetting my pants? Done. How about drink nothing but espresso for an entire day while screaming obscenties at old ladies? Sure thing! Tell a 4th grade teacher that her students make me hard? Sounds like fun!
For outlandish ideals, I charge $1.72 a minute. You want me to go see a really bad movie and exclaim how much I love it through the entire thing? Cool. How about walk around in public with a mouth full of peanut butter and talk to people while letting little bits of it dribble out? Messy, but fun! Or better still, I could sit in front of a coffee shop with protest signs that are utter nonsence! "Jesus took it up the ass for your sins!" "The Easter Bunny Rapes!" Anything!
Now, for $2.50 a minute my wife will come along and provide either distraction or commentary, possibly join in the fun. Want to see two chicks make out sitting on the lap of Ronald McDonald? Your kind of sick, but I'd do it! Want to have her walk me around wearing a dog collar and skivvies on a street of broken glass? Sure thing! I'm fucked in the head that way.
The purchaser (that's you) is to pay all expencies, along with the payment, upfront. The purchaser is to send an itemized list of minute-by-minute tasks, and wait for confirmation. Then, after I have accepted your submission, you are to purchase travel accomidations and send the money for the payment. We'll work the rest out after that.
Come on, everyone. I don't have a job, and I'm bored. Humiliate me!
squirrel_rapist
squirrelviolator@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Purple Nurple
Hello, my name is John. For only 2.00 American dollars, I will allow you to give me a purple nurple. Strong or soft, long or short, I will let you twist my nipples to your content for only 2.00
John
gameplayer@yahoo.com
Antigua & Barbuda - 27/6/05
I would sell you my opinion, price is up to you.
It's pretty simple. Need an unbiased opinion? Send me an email describing yourself, how you think others see you, and your ideal self, that is, who you want to be. Remember, the more you tell me, the better formulated my opinion will be, so don't hold anything back. I won't, nor will I just lay into you. Why should you want my opinion? Because my opinion is the best. If you're happy with what I have to say, send some money. If you're not happy with what I have to say, too bad, I'm right, so deal. You won't have to send money though.
Ryan McBride
cleversockpuppet@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Attack an internet talkboard of your choice
Pissed off with an internet talkboard but lacking the techie skillz to hit back? You don't have the necessary personality disorder to really fuck with the mods heads? Keep getting banned and want revenge?
Email inks for professional advice and assistance.
Inciting and maintaining destructive flamewars - £50.00 per day per flamewar.
Targetting and destroying individual posters until they leave the site - £100.00 - £500.00 each.
Tracing real names and addresses of posters - £100.00 a time.
Sockpuppet usernames - £5.00 each.
Hackz and bugs - prices available on request.
inks
inks@inksco.com
United Kingdom - 26/6/05
vegas tour
i m in las vegas, nevada, usa. I will give you a grand vegas tour...ladies only. Connected at all the best hot spots. Negotiable.
Jeff
boomersurfin@yahoo.com
United States of America - 26/6/05
Surrogate Eater
Overweight? Pounds not coming off? For 40.00 per month, I will be your surrogate eater. Just e-mail me every week and let me know what you crave. I will eat it for you and let you know how delicious it was. I am quite thin and have no known food allergies. Chocolate, peanuts, shellfish welcome. Special price for a la carte menus. Beets or spinach extra.
Binky
nojunc@excite.com
United States of America - 26/6/05
magic rock
ever get a little paranord about E.Ts takeing over the world (your at least your part of it) then never fear for now i have the perfect weapon. a rock from my garden i've never seen E.Ts or the film E.T and this must be because of my amazing rock collection. i'm not some fancy geolagist but but i know that they defintally work and for a small fee on £45 you can be alien free.
this rock can also protects against bible bashers, door to door sales man and goverment officals
Jef lemon
ciffdogg@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 24/6/05
you know you want me to be your friend(ster)
so listen. i have scads of friends(ters) - 320 to be exact. so i'm not posting here because i want/need more of them, i'm posting here for you. because ultimately, you are the important part of this equation. here's how:
YOU don't have many friends. YOU need a friend like me. YOU have a disposable income. YOU will love me. YOU will enjoy knowing me. YOU are gonna have a huge network.
so, what do you get? there are several options because i know you like having choices.
basic package: for a mere $10, you can request my friendship on friendster.com and i will accept. it's that easy!
better than basic package: for a mere $15, you can request my friendship on friendster.com and i will accept. then, once it's settled that we are indeed friends, i will write you a testimonial that will charm your socks off and amaze your friends and family. it's that easy!
way better than basic package: for a mere $20, you can request my friendship on friendster.com and i will accept. then, once it's settled that we are indeed friends, i will write you a testimonial that will charm your socks off and amaze your friends and family. then i will have IM conversations with you at least once a week wherein we might actually begin to form a legitimate friendship. it's that easy!
whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly hasn't read this ad. i've just spelled out three entirely affordable options wherein YOU will find varying degrees of happiness, contentment and companionship.
so, email now for details. friendly operators are standing by.
skampy
dana@maybeiam.com
United States of America - 23/6/05
I want to be your love burrito
Lets do it in the kitchen.
Wrap me around with your hands Lightly brush on some oil Heat things up a little Enjoy my creamy goodness.
My only price is that you bring the toppings. Bon apetit!
Sean
cybervexotic@yahoo.com
United States of America - 23/6/05
i will give you a loan for an amazing low fee!
i will loan you 0 dollars and 0 cents at an APR of 0% for an unconditional amount of time for a one time service charge of $25.00 paid in advance. I will send you the noterized agreement in the mail. e-mail me for instructions of where to send your service charge.
hank
boardshophankster@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 23/6/05
Go for a Run with me for FREE
If u reside In Bombay And love to run today is ur lucky day ...... cause i am proud to say that i love to run and reside in bombay too..we can chit chat or jus run . no paticular destination ..just run . we do need to look at each other even . No Thank Yous , No Fake Smiles needed
so mail me now : dakingoftha_tajmahal@hotmail.com
* Hugs are optional :)
Aditya
dakingoftha_tajmahal@hotmail.com
The Third India - 17/6/05
Cook a Londoner good English food
For the price of a flight to London, I will cook a Londoner a single meal of actually good English food. That is, I will make bangers and mash and bubble and scrape and fish and chips, but I will bring good ingredients and prepare them in such a way that they are actually palatable. I imagine this will be a welcome change from English food as it is typically prepared by actual Englishmen in actual England.
Crepax
blogger909@aol.com
France - 17/6/05
just for fun
I will send U picture of my face for free :)
Soffi
zetka1@interia.pl
Poland - 17/6/05
The Perfect Imaginary Girlfriend
Buy an imaginary girlfriend - it's just like having a long-distance girlfriend, but MUCH less hassle for you! I will send you 3-5 personalized e-mails a week, and 2-4 personalized letters per month through snail mail. We can chat on AIM too, if you want to, and I can send you photos, burned CD's, love poems, cards, and gifts. All for only $20/month! (Payable with PayPal, or with personal check.)
Buy me for yourself, and get all the nagging relatives & friends off your back. Or, buy me for a friend who needs a little encouragement and experience dealing with the opposite sex.
Everyone loves getting mail, and I'll keep our deal between us. E-mail me if you're interested. ;)
Kelly
kellyalways@yours.com
United States of America - 16/6/05
Web Designer
Need a site designed for an incredibly cheap price? I am just starting out in the web design world and my main goal is to gain more clients and increase the work in my portfolio. I will work with you to create what you want most want for your website. I won't be happy until you are happy.
Judith Mary
judithmary@soclassic.net
United States of America - 14/6/05
Gig - Buddy
Want to see that new band but have no-one to go with. I will come with you and provide friendly entertaining company. The only cost is that you will have to come to a gig with me. Any kind of music. Any venue considered but preferably North West UK.
Christopher
Kitandholly@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 11/6/05
I Want My Soul Back
I lost my soul when I took a client service job in advertising. I just realized it yesterday. I'm willing to barter almost anything to get it back. But not during office hours.
Galari Badurp
Galari.Badurp@gmail.com
Canada - 10/6/05
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