Pay your mum a visit
If your mum annoys you then call me. For $10 I will tear out one of her ribs and stick it in her arsehole.
Brett
brett@brett.com
Australia - 10/7/04
live your dream life.
I will live your life that you always wanted. Live the high life, drink crystal, drive ferarris, date super models...and even have a number one hit in germany !!! ..and all this for only 50p... (not including expenses)
Jimbo
jimbojones@jimboliojoneslio.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Make hamsters explode!
For the sum of £40 I will personally purchase a hamster from my local pet shop and microwave till it explodes. For £20 extra I will video it and mail you the tape.
Stan
addictboy2001@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
mind for sale
i am selling my mind because basically i have no use for it. it was in great condition the last time i checked. offers start from £5
callam
cazz156@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Grant you immortaility and ultimate power
Are you the kind of person who wants to know absolutely fucking everything and Lord it over the rest of us? Are you sick of getting older? Like robes, alchemy and funny glyphs? Then maybe I can help. All that can be yours for the price of your measily, worthless soul. Let's face it - you'll hardly miss it. Previous satisfied customers include Bush Jnr, Andy McDowell, and a guy my Dad knows that works at Lidl.
Mephistophilies Shipman
Stef@dcomms.net
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Rainbow Warrior.
For £14.63 I will come round your house & play the Rainbow theme music on my guitar whilst wearing a cut-out Geoffrey mask. (Coventry area only).
Dave
marmadukehussy@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
beige bo-bos - you miss them don't you?
If you're like me, you'll miss beige dogshit (a big hit in the seventies). But mourn no longer. I'll collect a load of them and scatter them around your house and garden. Heck, if you've got a dog of your own, I'll introduce him to a guaranteed pale-pooh diet. Name your price. Offers like this don't come cheap.
Stef - Copro King
stef@dcomms.net
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Even YOU can afford me!
I have many talents, but by bragging this fact i would be alienating all the other sellers on this site! So you wanna know what i am gonna do for money? Anything! I am very cheap and very easy. If you have the imagination, i have the know how and ability to perform. Think of me as your very own puppet! So how much am i gonna charge you for this? You tell me! You are the boss of me now!
Mike Freeman
mikefreeman1984@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Rizla Packet Signed by Mani
In no more than 3 little words, tell my why Mani signed "I luv cup-a-soup - Mani" on my Rizla packet. The winner will receive this item free in the post. Should there be a tie break situation bigotry will be used to decide the winner. All entries receive a jpeg of the said prize.
Martin
lothianandborderspolice@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Elusiver-Band Franchise For Sale
Would you like to be in a band but dont have the ideas, the time, the attitude or whatever. THEN BUY AN ELUSIVER FRANCHISE AND BECOME A PROSTITUE OF MAMMON! We can supply the music, the artwork, the gigs, the personnel, the reputation, in fact, we can help in anyway you may be creatively deficient. TO BUY A FRANCHISE TO USE THE BAND NAME WILL COST YOU JUST $1,230. Further costs can be negotiated depending on your requirements. For a copy of your first single at the price of three pounds seventy pence (pounds sterling) + P + P, please contact me at the above email address. Thanks for the trip. BE SEEING YOU!
Fireborn Mindblower
whatsgoingon896@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Feel loved?
If you need to convince friends you’re not a spinster (or bachelor), you need an ego-boost... or you are trying to get your parents off your back about the biological clock, this offer is for you! How would you like your very own cute, 20-year-old boyfriend in college sending you letters and editing himself into digital pictures with you?! For $10, price of materials and a small monthly fee: I will write you personal, scented letters. They can be sent to any location, including your place of business or home. I will edit myself into your digital photos (or you into mine) so that you can share them with your friends. I can also possibly write poems, songs, or any other form of expression of love if required. Upon terminating services, I will orchestrate a realistic break-up. You receive all this and more for $10, cost materials and a low monthly fee. Act now and U.S. residents are eligible to receive phone calls to add that realistic touch.
James
JiMilehigh@yahoo.com
United States of America - 10/7/04
Write a top ten hit for you!
For £500 plus writing points I will write you a Guaranteed Top ten hit (country of your choice) £1000 for far east pop (due to language limitations)
blinduncledallas
dale@blinduncledallas.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Nevermind
In retrospect, there is no way in hell that I would vote for G.W. Bush. I retract my ad.
Mike
noemail
United States of America - 9/7/04
A bad vote
Would vote for George W. Bush for 1 billion dollars US. That way I would be rich enough to qualify for his tax cuts.
Mike
noemail
United States of America - 9/7/04
3 BUS PICTURES IN A BOX
for a tenner i will happily send you 3 pictures of buses in a box. This will remind you of the old saying. Thats it. Sheer Genius.
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
TOENAIL IN A BOX
for a tenner i will happily send you a toenail in a box. Thats it. Sheer Genius.
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
BEAM OF LIGHT IN A BOX
for a tenner i will happily shine a light into a box, then close it up and send it to you. Thats it. Sheer Genius.
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
AIR IN A BOX
For a tenner i will hapilly send you a little bit of air in a box. Thats it. Sheer genius.
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
ICE IN A BOX
For a tenner i will happily send you a little icecube in a box. Thats it. Sheer genius.
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
FIRE IN A BOX
For a tenner i will happily send you a little bit of burning wood in a box. Thats it. Sheer Genius
GENIUS AT WORK
geniusatwork@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
PIss on your face
For anyone interested, I will come to your house and piss on your face. $10 plus expenses.
Pinto
thereasonforlife@yahoo.com
Canada - 9/7/04
carrier bas
approx 100 carrier bags for sale my kitchen seem's to be full of them there in drawers there in cupboards there even under the fucking stairs many brands tesco's ,asda ,co-op, burtons she just insists on saving them, fuck it you can have em!!!!!
lee
eggnchips@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
staining
i am a stain agent i will stain your stuff. 1% commission leave me alone
stacey pembridge
staceypembridge@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
take drugs
for £10 i will buy some shroomz for £1 i will eat them for £6 i will video tape it for £4 i will send you the tape
Alex G
blade569s@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Shit in a box
i will shit in a box for £5 + postage and packaging. u can do wot u want with it.
Alex G
blade569s@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Soul for sale
I would like to sell my soul in order to fund my holiday. Email me with a price, i accept paypal.
Alex G
blade569s@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Feeling chilly?
I am willing to set you on fire. Standard Fire: I will pour a small amount of petrol on your shoes and light with a Swan Vesta match. Price: £1 Bronze Fire: Using five star unleaded petrol I will douse you with a full £3 worth of BP car fuel. I will then use a light of your choosing (to the value of £3) to set each of your limbs on fire. Price £8 Super Fire: Dispensing with petrol I will use carlos gas and spray it in your eyes before setting your hair on fire - this way you'll probably be dead before your legs and torso are harmed. Price £14 Continental Fire: I will stick firework 'rockets' in your mouth and anus, before lighting them I will squirt Castol GTX oil on your crotch and using an accomplice I will set fire to all three simultaneously. Price £18 Herculian Fire: I will cut down a small area of woodland and build a pyre, upon which I will I fix a chair for you to sit on. The pyre will be generously doused in rocket fuel before 6kg of good old-fashioned TNT is placed at various points around the perimeter. This will then be lit by means of a flaming arrow fired from 50 paces. Price £100 I also do pets; contact me for a full price list quoting this website for a 5% discount.
U. Burns
iliketoburnthings@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Nipple Clamp - £20
For twenty English pounds only, you can use the gap in my teeth as a nipple clamp for one hour. Discretion is assured.
Mike
mike@cairoltd.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
And we all know how nasty that tastes, don't we kids?
I will send you a video tape of someone poking an appendage of the plastic action figure of your choice into my ear canal and eating the resulting residue for just £10.00. Email for more details using the subject 'Earwax Action'.
Mr Llahsram
Llahsram@baldyslaphead.co.uk
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Custom Bottled Farts
I will send you a customised bottled fart for a small sum. Prices vary dependant on aroma. curried cabbage - £3 beef crisps - £1 Brussel Sprouts - £50 (I hate sprouts) (v) Dead Rat - £5 Egg Mayo - £2.50 (v) Parmeasan - £4.99 (v) (v)= suitable for vegetarians
Chuffy Malone
arseburp@chuffs.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Stop The Blog
You give me £5,000 and I'll stop bogging on www.macbore.com. C'mon. It's a bargain! Do it for my wife.
Mac Bore
matt@macbore.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Hangin
I am willing to come out and hang at your house for the use of your pool. I will allow you to worship me and massage my beautiful body.
Rosina Lavalle
Rosina.Lavalle@immi.gov.au
Australia - 9/7/04
I will let you down
For £20 I will let you down. Arrange to meet me for a drink and I will fail to show. Ask me round to help you move a wardrobe and I will not turn up. Feel free to ask for my advice, perhaps regarding trouble in your love-life and I will snigger and hang up the phone. A premium service for the discernible loser.
Deskjohn
rob_dear@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
What are the chances of this happening
For a 4 pack of Stella, I will help you and your mates with your camping problems. Firstly I'll find 'who's in charge' then, together as a team we will swiftly erect your gazebo or one man tent while wearing a wax jacket and a Stetson.
That bloke with the hat from RTTS
campingbloke@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
DOG IN THE CAR
For the price of a box of Bonio's I'll happily sit in the back of your car for the day. I will: Hang my head out of the window as you drive around. See off any 'undesirables' at the supermarket car park. Stare blankly out of the back window at the driver behind. Show my tongue to anyone who taps at the window signaling for me to 'show them my tongue'. All I ask is that you leave the window open a bit! Jay the dog.
Jay the dog
fataxl@ntlworld.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
search for girl company in my holidays
Hi there. In August I will visit Bulgaria for about 10 days. In Varna. So, I want a sweet girl to keep me company. You know... companionship! Not nesecery sex! sea, food etc. My offer is 30 euro per day. But it is negotiable price. It would be better, depents on girl! Thank you
V
vagelisy@hotmail.com
Greece - 9/7/04
Need of certainity?
Ask Almighty. Answers for everyone. Personal prices is to be paid in afterlife.
Dog
racz.nandor@lokalpatriota.net
Hungary - 9/7/04
Quack
Cheeep, Cheeep, get an afgan quack now. Brother has scooter!
andersine
and@andeby.com
Afganistan - 9/7/04
smartass
will do anything for semi famous people and anyone with a hotshot friend.
magnus
magnus.ronningen@dagbladet.no
Norway - 9/7/04
You too can be the giver of good times!
Ever seen those numbers on bathroom walls? "For a good time call..." Ever wish your sexual abilities would be good enough to write about on a bathroom wall? Well for a small fee to be worked out in contract I will write YOUR number on any given bathroom in the Greater Cincinnati area. You can choose between schools and parks and even the local Walmart!
Calamity
postmodern_proletariat@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Will deep fry anything for price.
Here in the tawdry mid west we've been known to deep fry anything from chicken, to cake, to raw hunks of cheese, and you know what? I gots me a kiddie pool and a blow torch. I says I could do just as good as those big chain restaraunts for a fraction of the price. Five bucks plus the cost of whatever you want me to fry. A 25% discount if I can watch you eat it.
Calamity
postmodern_proletariat@yahoo.com
United States of America - 8/7/04
Shout at you.
For a small fee we can meet some place public where I'll shout at you for a predetermined time. I can shout a variaty of things, including cursewords, bedtime-stories, random facts and so on. If you like getting shouted at, give me a call, and we can arrange a meeting. Free price-estimates on request. (price depends on length of session, variaty of words and content)
Sethic Yell-a-lot
yellatyou@pandora.be
Belgium - 8/7/04
Elvis has left the building
I will sign your name on the wall surrounding The King's mansion here in Memphis and take a picture of it and send it to you for 10.00 U.S.
1slater@bellsouth.net
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
I will wear your words and pictures for the rest of my life
I would have any tattoo of your choice, be it an image or words... even your name, anywhere except my face. You can watch as I am impaled with ink and my physical appearance is forever changed . All this for a mere £1000, you also pay for the tattoo and supply me with sympathy and cups of tea during the process.
hubba
faalaalaaa@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Knowledge, the ultimate gift
I will tell you what this symbol means for the princely some of a promise to draw it on 5 things you own (they can be sheets if paper if you so wish). / / / /_ / -_ -----/ / / / /
Jon Maj
syko72@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
leglessness
For the grand total of 35 pounds (plus expenses) I wil go to a party, drinking venue or pub with you and be the life of the party: drink lots, tell people wonderous stories, jokes, chat-up the ladyfolk (and menfolk) and generally be sociable.
Jon Maj
syko72@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
A Gmail account
I will give you a Gmail invite, for £23.
Kyle Thompson
kyle.thompson@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Mix tape for a loved one
Need to seduce some pretty person with your eclectic taste in music? Yes? But you only own Bros' greatest hits and the highlights of jive bunny? Fear not... For five pounds,the cost of a C90 and postage and packaging, I will compile a compilation that will wow your potential mate. Just give me a guideline, I'll ignore it and then do the rest.
Tom
missingthumbs@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Catch A Falling Star
I will catch a falling star* and put it in your pocket for just £300. You can do whatever you want with it. You might want to save it for a rainy day, you might want to never let it fade away, or you might want to poke somebody in the eye with it. It's completely up to you. (* I have very small hands and am therefore unlikely to catch an actual falling star. In such a case I will put glowing radioactive waste in you pocket. This may harm or mutate you. If (when) this happens I refuse to be held responsible)
Junk Monkey
junkmonkey_@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Shine Bright
I will squeak with delight and smoke several thin cigarettes in exchange for a long trail of working fairy lights. Watch me, with my big smiley face, clap my hands with delight and jump up and down on the spot as you present me with sparkly joy. Who knows what this might lead to.
The Wrong 'Un
wrongun@wrongmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Going blind?
Are you worried that you will never be able to read your favourite book gain? Forget about learning braille, for fifty pence per page I record any book to audio tape. I have a clear speaking voice, but please note that if the book I'm reading is truly terrible I will not compensate for loud sighs, interjections or general criticism of the your precious page turner. Also: There will be a surcharge for books with book words.
Tom
missingthumbs@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
my girlfriend for 3 whole days...(bargin..!)
yes...u to can be in proud possesion of 1 1969 carefuly owend family edition light brown estate (v.spacious for excess baggage) for half an ounce of weed, and 17 packets of malteasers, you may borrow, my misses for 3 days hard labour, and tea maki ng duties, yes...Have that lawn mown, or get that fence painted, while you put your feet up and have a beer..!!!! " (GOOD MAN ;)", And when shes gone , tell ya mates you did, it, ( unless it really looks like a womans done it...!!!) lol e-mail me now for an offer of a life time
(*)Thewastedchef(*)
noemail
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Rat Infestation-Food and a warm bed
Do you have an infestation of rats in your town, village or hamlet? I'll quite happily lead them to their death and/or a rival dwelling in return for hospitality. My magic flute is the finest in the land and I gurantee a total clean up. May also work on crickets, gerbils, certain breads of Chav and Salvation army band members.
TP Piper
outtatown@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
HOW WRONG CAN ONE MAN BE?
For the princely sum of 12 english pounds I will give you a 'wrong' rating of 1-10. Willing to travel far and wide in search of true wrongness as long as somebody drives me and indulges me by allowing my favourite compilation tape to be played over and over again. Mainly Iron Maiden.
The Wrong 'Un
wrongun@wrongmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
WRONG
I will do you wrong. Anyone, anytime, any place.
The Wrong 'Un
wrongun@wrongmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
BURN RUBBER
For the magnificent price of just £28.99 (inc VAT but not travel expenses) I will come to your house (really quickly on a bus) and burn rubber! Yes that's right. Give me anything made of rubber (like a tyre for example) and I will burn it and make your house smell like tar. All your friends/family/housemates will be amazed or possibly upset. I take no responsibility for anything that may go missing from your house round about the time that I was there. Junk Monkey (and yes that is my real name).
Junk Monkey
junkmonkey_@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Unwanted Pregancy?
Dead beat boyfriend decides to run off when you're 4-8 months pregnant? Well, I got the answer for you! I offer the /CHEAPEST/ abortion in town for those desperately in need? I offer this to women who are 1 - 8.5 months pregnant. For a low price of $50 and air fare, I will calmly and effectively beat you in the stomach until you are no longer pregnant. and no, i will not murder your baby after it comes out- that'll be a $25 extra which excludes the current cost of a case of ammonia. With that $25 extra charge, I'll take care of babies from 5 minutes to 75 years old. If you contact me now, u can keep my brass knuckles after I'm done. $9 value! Whoa! Call today and don't miss out on this great offer.
Thomas Wiley
Ourenemies@hotmail.com
Canada - 8/7/04
Whatever
Whenever
Dick Dangler
auditor1970@yahoo.com
United States of America - 8/7/04
Toilet Seat Lavatory Lust
For merely a tenner, I would be prepared to come around to your home and clean the seat of your toilet with my tongue. No household detergents required.
Benjamin Joyce
ben@benbenben.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Dad Problems
If you've got dad problems i feel bad for your mum -i've got 99 problems but my dad isnt one... Therefore if you would like to buy one of these problems from me for your mum they are available at £5.99 inc p&;p. A GREAT GIFT!
jay xee
froontash@devash.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Mimic
For the price of my political security, I will declare an unjust war on my superficial enemies... Arik
Arik Xist
Knotwellone@hotmail.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
a streak too far?
Anyone out there expecting a royal knighthood but has qualms due to the excruciating bordom of it all?Well for a meager fee (1 bottle of fine red wine!) let me streak in front of you just as you are about to take the blade and timing permitting-either get my manhood knighted or hacked off,just like robin hood.yeah! Up the asstablishment!
willy boy
moondogwilly@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Explanations Offered
Confused? Bewildered? No longer! For £100 Sterling per hour (or part thereof) I will explain, in plain English, anything that you do not undertand. (Telephone consultations undertaken at enquirers own cost. One to one sessions subject to travelling expenses. Use of illustrations subject to further fees)
Smartypants
ehewens@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Good old fasion beatings 2
Ill do it for half that £25 (GBP) ill even get my dad to film it for you. Eat that one JP, ill start a price war on your ass!!!
Friend of JP
timbodo1@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Good Old Fashioned Beatings
For £50 GBP my door supervisors will take you around the back of our nightclub and beat you unconcious like in the movies. We will film it on CCTV and will send you one copy on VHS or DVD.
JP
julianpeterso9@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Well
I'll give four quarters for a dollar.
Eric Vinyard
eric@moondrummer.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
Ear sex
I will fuck your ear for $20.
Smagma
Sexymama@Smagma.it
United States of America - 7/7/04
Revision
For 2% of your profits, I will revise your youwhores.ad. I will turn your misspelled, poorly worded ad into a work of youwhores.art. For an extra 2% of profits, I will ad sarcasm and/or witty comments to make you sound even more intelligent.
Shane B
swb_15@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
For All Divorced Males
Have you have recently been divorced by the love of your life and nothing can make you understand why she left you? Hire me to live with you for a minimum of a year, by the end of the 12th month, I will have figured out why she left you. Included will be a 10-page scientific report outlining each reason to its fullest capacity, and how to correct these male gender character flaws.
Honest Girl
dragonslaying@hotmail.com
Canada - 7/7/04
Website for sale.
This website is for sale: http://mirrorman.cjb.net For at least 1 million dollars.
MiRRoRMaN
sunchaser@fok.nl
Netherlands - 7/7/04
With Both Hands
Will work, holding your "Will Work For Food" sign, for food.
Justa Citizen
Voter@ThisYearsElection.cob
United States of America - 7/7/04
I will write silly songs and poems
Do you need a silly song to sing or a silly poem to recite. It could be about yourself, your best friend, Bill Gates, Micheal Winner or even your Local Hospital that smells like Wee. I will Write a song or poem that you exclusively will own all the rights to. You an publish them as your own. Can also be written in Welsh but may not actually mean anything as I noly know a few words of Welsh. Obcenities can be included if you like. I'm for real if you email me then I'll give you an address to paypal 1 quid and I really will write a song or poem. Go on have a silly song or poem in your memory they even include jokes!
The laureate
hattori_hanzo@phreaker.net
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
kiss a monkey
a would like to kiss a monkey for at leased $200.
jaake
jaakenote@tellseell.com
Czech Republic - 7/7/04
Take your girlfriend or wife shopping
For $15/hour, I would take your partner shopping while she spends all of your money on ridiculous pieces of clothing. I will go into the change room with her and agree to watch her undress. I will say that she looks beautiful to every single piece of clothing or jewelry she intends to buy with your money. And when she has buyer's remorse, I will comfort her and tell her that she does not look fat at all (even if she's 400 lbs!) in that tight outfit. I will throw in an hour of cuddling with her after you've fucked her so you can go hang with your mates free of charge. I am available all day, everyday.
Dave
ifrit_knight@yahoo.ca
Canada - 7/7/04
Lets hang out and have some fun.
For expenses + £5 an hour, I will hang out with you - I'll be a friend, I'll listen to you, I'll suggest fun things to do. I won't mention the fact that this is a paid service once. We could go to the park, or make a cake, or go to a party or go up to town. We'll have a fun time - guaranteed (or your money back). Serious offers only. Only within M25. Some dates unavaliable.
G Buckenham
v21-forward@HotPOP.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
20 €
will save your soul and kick your dog to hell! and for the same price i ll make you atheist...
kenny
noemail
Spain - 7/7/04
lick it
i would lick it $40000
joe
toto@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Goddam I loves me some toast...
For $16.95 in American currency (or the equivalent) I will eat virtually anything on toast. Yes, ANYTHING. Gerbils, fecal waste, ice cream, brain tumors, afterbirth, insects, etc. You supply it on white bread and i'll happily eat it. Toast friggin' rules.
Eenyne
enfer9@antisocial.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
Got a Problem?
Get a Geek! I will solve your PC questions or your money back. $25 - $75 per hour (US). Come on over to www.trideon.com to chat live!
Trideon
trideon@trideon.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
szanalmas.hu domain for sale
We sell szanalmas.hu domain for a night with a mestic whore and a minicamaleon. Paypal accepted.
sithlords
sithlords@szanalmas.hu
Hungary - 7/7/04
I will make you a beautiful beaded bracelet
Send me your wrist size in centimeters, and a description of the types of colors that you like, and I will make you a beautiful beaded bracelet in your favorite colors for 3 American or Canadian dollars, or 2 British pounds, or the equivalent in your national currency, plus postage. Your order will help support my peaceful and idyllic slacker lifestyle. I promise I won't just use cheap ugly plastic beads, I've been collecting beads since I was twelve and I have good taste.
Renate Robertson
diamonddustshoes@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
FASTEDDIE
ANYTHING FOR TEN DOLLAS.
EDDIE
NOSPAM@HAAA.COM
United States of America - 7/7/04
Poops sandwiches
For 3 American dollars I will eat 3 poops sandwiches with lettuce.
Reek Stankleberry
butts@iamadick.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
I will give you 5 dollars.
If you give me 10 of the same currency!
Joe
JoeLeea@hotmail.com
Canada - 7/7/04
Listener
Look, everyone has things they want to talk about, right? For $5 an hour, I will gladly sit and patiently listen to whatever you want to say. I will not interject, give advice, or otherwise speak unless you ask me to. I will simply sit and listen to whatever it is you want to say. The weather, your (grand)children, your crappy job, politics, whatever.
dave
tapeeater@gmail.com
Canada - 7/7/04
WILL BE IN A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
I will be in any major motion picture for FREE. Just pay my living expenses during the shooting.
Francis J Rodgers
webcatsmeow@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
I will burn a million quid
If you give me a million pounds (or any amount if money) in notes, I will burn it. Before you think this is a great deal, let me tell you that I risk arrest and a lifetime consumed by thoughts about the value of money and 'what could have been' if I'd taken it and run. My suffering is guaranteed.
Dan, London
dan@modernlovers.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Bargain
I'll do whatever the next person says, but for £5 less.
plenty cheapness
bob@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Star Trek
For $5 I'll explain the deeper meaning of any episode of Star Trek, Next Generation, or Deep Space 9. I will not do Voyager, or Enterprise under any circumstances.
The Admiral
cweed7@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
My Little Pony - Playpal service
For the nominal sum of £5 I will take your entire collection of My Little Pony figurines to Hampstead Heath and play with them for 20-30 minutes. Just as dogs need to be walked, your little Ponies need to be played with and I have huge experience in this area. There is an additional charge at dusk when I have alternative activities in the area.
PonyBoy
gavinshackell@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Meaty
A simple army guy I will take any kind of meat, be it bacon, faggots with gravy or a nice thick sausage merely for the pleasure of it (P&;P not included)
Sgt Benholio
benholio@gmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
Absolutely FREE!
Man, only one left -- free to good home, already house trained. Somewhat obedient. Mutt/no papers. Neutered. Serious inquiries only.
rommel
rommel@superhypermegacompuglobalmeganet.de
Canada - 6/7/04
Share the embarasment
for a grand I will do anything you want with you, given we get caught, that could in some way be illegal, mean or just plain stupid. When we get caught, you can blame it on me. I will look incredibly stupid and you will look slightly stupid for following the stupid guy. Ladies night is every monday. I will get into mischief free for Ladies.
Edwin Wilder
edw1inw@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 6/7/04
I will sell you my arm for 10,000 USD. Call now and I'll throw in a leg for half off. (that means either shin up is mine or you can keep half of the money that I would reguarly charge) Act now while supplys last.
Edwin Wilder
edw1inw@hotmail.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
Warbush
For Sale: One Wild Warbush. The Wild Warbush is an overpowering bush, stretching its roots out across all soils and encompassing all terrain. We guarantee this Wild Warbush to take over your land faster than a Kudzu Vine. May cause harm to soil and atmosphere. Gasoline/Petrol seems to keep the Wild Warbush under control, but we can make no promises. Recipient beware: We assume no responsibility as we did not order this particular plant 4 years ago. Price: Just a lil Dignity.
Joe Citizen
joecitizen@donttellthess.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
My tendency to make a whore of myself for money.
Obviously, it's something that I can do without. My prescence here is a testament to that. Perhaps some of you need this tendency. Maybe you need help in thinking of more creative whoring methods. It's really none of my business. I'll start the bidding at one million dollars(US). Granted, this seems a bit pricey but bear in mind, to stop my whoring I'll require long term financial stability. ...A good whore is a terrible thing to waste.
Rob
rpace63@hotmail.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
Story
I will tell you a funny story for $2. Paypal will be accepted.
Blaaatz
blankenblaaatz@yahoo.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
Nipple Fluffer
It's not a joke, damn you J. Lo. There is a very real need for this, and more importantly, it requires a very real skill. Dexterity, sensitivity, timing and acute fashion sense are required, and I've got those! I will come to your location, for a reasonable stipend of $225 per hour and travel reimbursement. Billing is only in full hours; increments not allowed.
UltraTalented
UltraTalented@gmail.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
Soul for sale
Brand new hardly ever used soul for sale. I currently do not have much use for it, and need the extra room for more of my vices. Please feel free to email me. Since this soul is unused its going for a real bargin at $1000(US).
Dave
pz@unix.za.net
South Africa - 6/7/04
sound advice regaurding anything
for a flat fee of $100 per use, i will provide honest and sound advise pertaining to anythng at all. disclaimer: adivice isnt going to be right all the time.
dustin
swagisstill@hotmail.com
United States of America - 6/7/04
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