You are not alone in the world
Have you ever looked up into the sky and realised how empty the world is. Well it dosnt have to be. For $5 you can tell me any time of the day and on that moment I promiss to think of you. So you will know that there is someone in the world who does care about you.
sara
comet5745@yahoo.com
United States of America - 31/7/08
Pretend to be your Gf
Will pretend to be your girlfriend send you photos write you letters anything that is not gay for $20 a week
Lisa
methchick@hotmail.com
United States of America - 2/5/08
Homemade Products.
If you love things that are homemade and have that personal touch, I may be able to help you. I am experienced in making everyday things myself, from materials found lying around the home.
If your tastes are conventional, I could make you some homemade sweets.
Perhaps you like customised clothes, so I could make you some new personal attire.
Maybe you want something homemade that you never thought was possible.
E-mail me with details of what you desire and i can make you something beautiful yet practical*
Prices are negotiable and reasonable according to product.
*Homemade Products can only be practical as long as nothing electrical or mechanical is needed to work.
HomelyJo
itsnotrocketsurgery@hotmail.co.uk
United Kingdom - 3/2/08
Mathematical documents produced with love
If you need to convert some mathematical writing into a digital format, then I might be able to help you out. If you're not quite sure what I'm talking about, let me give you an example:
http://www.answers.com/proof%20that%20e%20is%20irrational?ff=1
The images you see on there are what the end product will be like. Can provide an example. Will be produced in .pdf format.
Price: £25 per hour (or equivalent in other currency).
Tyler Flynn
fylertlynn@googlemail.com
United Kingdom - 7/5/06
I will be your girlfriend.... :)
I WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! I'll write you e-mails... instant message you... write to you.... all for a simple price of 40 dollars a month.... I will LOVE YOU! I will do all that stuff each and everyday... When I wake up and before I go to sleep... and in between that... I WILL LOVE YOU!!!
Rico
liljesse898@yahoo.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
Feeling unloved?
Tired of thinking you're unatractive? Think nobody secretly loves you enough to follow you everywhere you go while hidding in the shadows? Feeling left out of conversations with friends when they talk about being followed by strange men at night? Well if you need a stalker and live in the Palm Desert, California area then your in luck! for a fair price of $25/month and you daily schedual i will stalk, leave you sweet yet disterbing love notes, and for an extra $10/month i'll even plant small hidden recording divices around your house hold and work to watch your every move. Act fast befor this offer ends!!!
Albin Lambert
ha_ha_dood@hotmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I will tell you I love you
For $5 I will send you an email every day for a week telling you I love you. I will send it at random times during the week so it will be more of a pleasant surprise when you recieve it. For an $2 extra I will elaborate an how it makes me feel to love you, using a minumim of 2 sentences to expresss my thoughts.
Kiss Bunny
kissbunny@gmail.com
United States of America - 27/6/05
I wanna be your dog!
I can be your dog,anytime you'd like, day or night. My speciality is long walks in the park, and if your lucky you can pick up my poop in little plasticbags!All this +lots of unconditional love! ONLY THREE JAFFACAKES AN HOUR!
Solveig
solveiglk@hotmail.com
Norway - 5/4/05
Imaginary Girlfriend
For $40 a month I will send you an email everyday letting you know how much I love you, and miss you. We can chat online a few times a week. You can let me know all about yourself and what you like and dislike to help your friends think this is the real deal. For additional charges, I can even call you on your cell phone when you wish me to. Have a a girlfriend you can dump whenever or yell at whenever you wish, no matter what you say I'll always come back for me. I am pretty flexible on what we can do. Email me if interested.
b
orangesodapizza@yahoo.com
United States of America - 20/12/04
when i see you i will know the price.
i want someone hot so that i go in flames. some large tits, preferably fair. tall with them heel on.
john preston
preyea2000@yajhoo.com
Ghana - 9/12/04
Dulcet Tones
My well educated voice is as rich and smooth as chocolate sauce with a deep, gravelly nuance - you'll be melting into the pillow... An unexpected midnight phone call - I'll surprise you with a sleepy goodnight on any one night out of seven - £1/minute £2 a minute for a story of your choice or I can chose an appropriate tale for you with convincing comedy or serious character voices. £50 a day to be your pretend girlfriend - I'll send you a photo and a beautifully hand written letter a week. I'll call you twice a day (work or on your mobile)and send 5-10 text messages declaring whatever you fancy - loving nicities or downright filthy smut. For an extra charge I'll even turn up and do sunday lunch with your parents in my sunday best or come out and drink pints with your mates and discuss football. I can be whatever you want me to be. Any voice work also on sale - if it can be voiced, I'll say it to anyone. Wind up your boss with a sultry phone call, get your mates going with a girl who got their number last week when she saw them in that club... the possibilities are endless.
Clarky
mogginsmum@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 29/10/04
My good vibes
For the handsome sum of £20, i will direct my positive aura in your general direction for approx 10 mins a day for a week, should be enough for you to get laid or maybe find a mars bar on the street
Elmo
matt_the_daddy@ntlworld.com
United Kingdom - 15/10/04
For sale: My Reverence
BNIB! Send postal order for £50.00 to 166 HAGLEY ROAD, BIRMINGHAM, WEST MIDLANDS B16 9NZ Send SASE and 8.5" x 11" photograph in intelligent looking pose. I guarantee to think how very very smart and cool you are at least once per day for 3 months.
Royal Foxbridge
webmaster@webmaster.com
United Kingdom - 14/10/04
Free Drinks
Anyone in the Essex area, feeling thirsty? I am Offering a free cup of tea! All you have to do is supply the biscuits. Just send me an e-mail and let me know when you want it
Matt
Stelfmunky@aol.com
United Kingdom - 11/10/04
Pay a stranger a compliment
For every donation of £1 or more into my paypal account I will compliment a stranger that day
Georgina
georgepudpope@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 6/10/04
Email
I will send you an email everyday till you die for just $30US. Ill send you cool links I find or coupons and just talk to you for a few lines. What better then to receive a email from someone that isnt junk. Just email me and let me know.
Me
orangesodapizza@yahoo.com
United States of America - 23/8/04
My undying grattitude!
For the paltry sum of $10 U.S. you will recieve my heartfelt thanks and undying gratitude!
GP
gjackson3@hot.rr.com
United States of America - 14/8/04
Voodoo offering and request service $45 (USD)
For $45 (USD) I will leave the request of your choice and an offering at the tomb of Marie Laveau, the Voodoo queen of New Orleans.
Dynomoose
adynomoose@hotmail.com
United States of America - 7/8/04
Are You Lost?
If you are lost then send me an e-mail and i will promptly have found you, amazing!! This is a free service.
Bob
SpecialAgentBob@CIA.com
United Kingdom - 31/7/04
Disposable Boyfriend
I will perform any tasks apart from DIY or watching soaps. Once finished you can say goodbye forever. Dinners, drinks, conversations or fairly decent sex, all without any commitment or ties. If it makes you feel better you can pay me in cash, otherwise free drinks or a few fat spliffs will suffice. You know it makes sense, and I promise not to talk about cars or try to watch the football over your shoulder while you drone on about your friends/job/family etc.
Ben
openedonce@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/7/04
For 200 $ or euros per week I'll be your best friend.
I'll be your best friend! I'll tell people how funny and nice you are. I'll help you if you have problems with stupid people. I cover for you. I help you with school/work/love related problems. I can teach you stuff. I will just have fun with you all the time :) 22-years old. Male Born in Finland. If you are located somewhere else than Finland then I need plane tickets and place to stay.
Pilot
aastesti@suomi24.fi
Finland - 26/7/04
Food for thought?
Lonely? Tired of being just another loser in the rat race, never more than another face in the crowd? Well today's your lucky day. This hungry person will think of you for a day each week in exchange for food. Just come round to my house with an item of delicious food (address given when contacted) and have peace of mind in the fact that someone, is thinking of you.
Matt
ostrich_54321@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 24/7/04
relationship problems? i can make it all go away...
do you just want to be happy with a significant other? do you just seem to have bad luck with love? cant get laid? just send me a pic of yourself, a quick (500 words or less) description of what went wrong in your last relationship, and about 150 words describing what you want out of a relationship/life. for just 5 dollars i will straighten you out. you will never wonder what the hell is wrong with you again. i guarantee.
derrik
silence_1066@hotmail.com
United States of America - 24/7/04
cook a veggie curry
you supply the ingredients and the return taxi fare and i'll make you a veggie curry for £4.68
tris
tristian2@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 21/7/04
Need attention ?
Need attention, love and/or support from a young handsome French lad who knows how to listen to you like he cares ? Buy a whole relationship (by phone)for £80/week! Daily conversations, 10 text messages, a crisis, and even a surprise call from me included ! Any special order will be considered. You know how lonely you are so wait no more: have me as your boyfriend! Plus I do know how to dress ;)
florent
supaflo7@hotmail.com
France - 20/7/04
peace and hugs
i will give you a hug full of true human love, all you have to do is eliminate as much hatred from your self as possible. everyones a winner.
nick
anarchy48@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 19/7/04
will do my best to bring peace to the middle east
for the modest price of 200 NIS (about 30 GBP) I will do my best to do what no hard headed politician managed or wanted to achive over the past 50 years. your money will be well spent ,as the son of a highly ranked Knesst(israeli parlament) worker i have a acsess to the buliding and more important acsess and the will to annoy any israeli politician and try to convince him to solve this endless dispute. no time wasteres please this is serios. "war is over if you " want to pay me.
Yaron
thecrazyisraeli@hotmail.com
Israel - 18/7/04
Things that are lovely
i will write you a letter once a week about everything i have seen the week before that is lovely. i am very good at noticing lovely things like small holes in the playgound that lead towho knows where, and trees that have grown for sucj a long time that in between their cracks there are small gravestones hidden
gems
iph_genia@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 16/7/04
its my birthday
i will pretend every day is my birthday and invite you to my party. We can have cake and everything
paul
paw6899@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/07/04
I wanna hold your haaa-aaaaannd
Man, or woman, I will hold your hand for free. No long term commitment.
DT
hands@davidturner.net
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
Blow you a kiss -£1-
It should reach you tomorrow. All kisses sent from a fugitive motel.
Viking
kisses@blacksky.co.uk
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
The Sun
for the love of it I will be an impenetrable barrier between you and the Sun, not allowing said heavenly body to 'go down on you' Having said that you will have to ensure that the Sun HAS got his hat on and IS coming out to play....
Patrick
removemefirst@hatespammers.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
Are your joints cracked and sore?
For £10 (plus travel expenses), I will bring my moisturiser and rub moisturiser lovingly into your crusty elbows and knees. Only. If you have other crusties, see your GP.
Jenna
rocksoc@st-andrews.ac.uk
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
Dream Direction
Tell me the dream you wish to have. While you sleep I will talk to you in order to direct your dream. I will further influence your dream by providing appropriate stimuli (eg. dripping water on your toes, holding your hand, and whispering "shh", if you want to dream of a walk on the beach with some unattainable love). If desired, I will tell you that you are dreaming, so that you may take control and have a "lucid dream". I will wake you gently and talk over the experience with you, helping you to rememeber and make sense of it. £50 plus travel expenses.
Joe Shellard
joeshellard@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
I wanna hold your haaa-aaaaannd
Man, or woman, I will hold your hand for free. No long term commitment.
DT
hands@davidturner.net
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
I have what you need
I have a prehensile thumb. I have problem-solving capabilities. I can make fire. I have intelligence. Use it for the good.
Dweedle Numkins
DweedleNumkins@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
be polite
I will, for no funds, hold open the door for you after I have passed thru it, I will dispose of my litter sensibly and not spit or piss in the street, I will smile nicely at you, I will however, call you a cunt if I think you deserve it.
tim the polite of peckham
politetim@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Take A Bike Hike!
I will ride my bike just about anywhere! And you could come too!! £60 per day (away from home) £100 for single day trip. I've cycled from London to Scotland; Brussels to Amsterdam; London to Kings Lyne; All over the west country and I know most of London's filthy streets intimately. I will willingly cycle right round the globe (any route) if you can afford it. I'll go alone and send you photos, call you etc. Or you can come too. I offer my good company at no further cost. I'm fairly interesting: failed artist (of sorts); I've been in the Guardian once; carpenter AND I've tried to convince about seven gangster-rude-boys from Dalston, at four in the morning, to give me back my money by helping them push their car all the way to Shoreditch!! (It didn't work, by the way)
Chris
chrisamey@lycos.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Flip Em' The Bird
For a buck, two bucks or a quid I will give George W. Bush the finger everytime I pass the White House (I live in Washington DC) or the hotel of his choice wherever he is staying while on his conquest of the world. For an additional .50 cents I'll flip off Cheney also. Hell, for a tenner I'll flip off his whole staff. Just think every morning waking with a smile knowing you flipped off Dubya'
Zeus
Lewinsky@knees.com
United States of America - 14/7/04
Meditation (serious offer)
I have been practicing meditation and yoga for 5 years and I also have a beautiful house in rural Brittany. To combine the two I would like to run short courses to teach meditation and yoga to others. So,if you fancy a week of complete relaxation, make me an offer.
Steve
slloyd144@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 13/7/04
Walk across the US
Acutally, I'd do this one for free.
Edward P. Pingleton
eddie_p@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Nobody gives a damn?
I will, for $15.00 (US currency). But not for very long. No Republicans, please.
Zep
pezzz@att.net
United States of America - 12/7/04
boyfriend for sale
FOR SALE: one bloke. eats alot, farts with aplomb, scratches indiscriminately & without caring who is watching. makes his own beer. All offers over £1.49 considered
limpet
carolineroberts833@msn.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Short Ginger Pubes 78pence
My girl has ginger hair and is embarrassed about her pubes and I want to put them to good use, for a small cost (plus P+P) I will send them to you. Washed or natural the choice is yours.
jjslappapants
jonnyk2@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Tell you what you want to hear!
Is there something you've just been dying for someone to say to you? Maybe a letter you've been afraid to read for yourself? For the modest price of $10/minute, I'll tell you whatever you want to hear, as eloquently or as brusquely as you like. For safety purposes, I cannot say things to third parties, as this has occasionally led to violence. The same principle applies to saying things in the presence of others, but will be determined on a case-by-case basis. Phone is the standard method of service, but if you're willing to travel to me I can say things in person as well. Don't let this once-in-a-lifetime offer pass you buy! Where else will you hear the things that need to be said?
esomas
esomas@hotmail.com
United States of America - 12/7/04
Instant Happyness
are you depressed,find it hard to smile in the afternoon or early in the morin'? well us here at the Hummer Happyness Inc. have the perfect package for you, for just 10 english pounds w'll send you a normal A4 sized envlope with all the happyness you need 2 get you thoroght the week! (cards checks and pay pal accepted) 15 happy customers so far! we can't be wrong can we :)
Hummer!
hummer6911@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Fresh Glass of orange juice
For only 50 Euro's and travel expenses. I will come to your house and make you a glass of fresh orange juice before you wake up. Leave a key under your doormat and tell me the time you wake up. Oranges and Orange Press not included.
Hans
hard_beatzNOSPAM@hotmail.com
Netherlands - 12/7/04
Rizla Packet Signed by Mani
In no more than 3 little words, tell my why Mani signed "I luv cup-a-soup - Mani" on my Rizla packet. The winner will receive this item free in the post. Should there be a tie break situation bigotry will be used to decide the winner. All entries receive a jpeg of the said prize.
Martin
lothianandborderspolice@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
Feel loved?
If you need to convince friends you’re not a spinster (or bachelor), you need an ego-boost... or you are trying to get your parents off your back about the biological clock, this offer is for you! How would you like your very own cute, 20-year-old boyfriend in college sending you letters and editing himself into digital pictures with you?! For $10, price of materials and a small monthly fee: I will write you personal, scented letters. They can be sent to any location, including your place of business or home. I will edit myself into your digital photos (or you into mine) so that you can share them with your friends. I can also possibly write poems, songs, or any other form of expression of love if required. Upon terminating services, I will orchestrate a realistic break-up. You receive all this and more for $10, cost materials and a low monthly fee. Act now and U.S. residents are eligible to receive phone calls to add that realistic touch.
James
JiMilehigh@yahoo.com
United States of America - 10/7/04
carrier bas
approx 100 carrier bags for sale my kitchen seem's to be full of them there in drawers there in cupboards there even under the fucking stairs many brands tesco's ,asda ,co-op, burtons she just insists on saving them, fuck it you can have em!!!!!
lee
eggnchips@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
search for girl company in my holidays
Hi there. In August I will visit Bulgaria for about 10 days. In Varna. So, I want a sweet girl to keep me company. You know... companionship! Not nesecery sex! sea, food etc. My offer is 30 euro per day. But it is negotiable price. It would be better, depents on girl! Thank you
V
vagelisy@hotmail.com
Greece - 9/7/04
Elvis has left the building
I will sign your name on the wall surrounding The King's mansion here in Memphis and take a picture of it and send it to you for 10.00 U.S.
1slater@bellsouth.net
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
I will wear your words and pictures for the rest of my life
I would have any tattoo of your choice, be it an image or words... even your name, anywhere except my face. You can watch as I am impaled with ink and my physical appearance is forever changed . All this for a mere £1000, you also pay for the tattoo and supply me with sympathy and cups of tea during the process.
hubba
faalaalaaa@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
leglessness
For the grand total of 35 pounds (plus expenses) I wil go to a party, drinking venue or pub with you and be the life of the party: drink lots, tell people wonderous stories, jokes, chat-up the ladyfolk (and menfolk) and generally be sociable.
Jon Maj
syko72@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Mix tape for a loved one
Need to seduce some pretty person with your eclectic taste in music? Yes? But you only own Bros' greatest hits and the highlights of jive bunny? Fear not... For five pounds,the cost of a C90 and postage and packaging, I will compile a compilation that will wow your potential mate. Just give me a guideline, I'll ignore it and then do the rest.
Tom
missingthumbs@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Shine Bright
I will squeak with delight and smoke several thin cigarettes in exchange for a long trail of working fairy lights. Watch me, with my big smiley face, clap my hands with delight and jump up and down on the spot as you present me with sparkly joy. Who knows what this might lead to.
The Wrong 'Un
wrongun@wrongmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Lets hang out and have some fun.
For expenses + £5 an hour, I will hang out with you - I'll be a friend, I'll listen to you, I'll suggest fun things to do. I won't mention the fact that this is a paid service once. We could go to the park, or make a cake, or go to a party or go up to town. We'll have a fun time - guaranteed (or your money back). Serious offers only. Only within M25. Some dates unavaliable.
G Buckenham
v21-forward@HotPOP.com
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
I will make you a beautiful beaded bracelet
Send me your wrist size in centimeters, and a description of the types of colors that you like, and I will make you a beautiful beaded bracelet in your favorite colors for 3 American or Canadian dollars, or 2 British pounds, or the equivalent in your national currency, plus postage. Your order will help support my peaceful and idyllic slacker lifestyle. I promise I won't just use cheap ugly plastic beads, I've been collecting beads since I was twelve and I have good taste.
Renate Robertson
diamonddustshoes@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
Listener
Look, everyone has things they want to talk about, right? For $5 an hour, I will gladly sit and patiently listen to whatever you want to say. I will not interject, give advice, or otherwise speak unless you ask me to. I will simply sit and listen to whatever it is you want to say. The weather, your (grand)children, your crappy job, politics, whatever.
dave
tapeeater@gmail.com
Canada - 7/7/04
Absolutely FREE!
Man, only one left -- free to good home, already house trained. Somewhat obedient. Mutt/no papers. Neutered. Serious inquiries only.
rommel
rommel@superhypermegacompuglobalmeganet.de
Canada - 6/7/04
Twenty dollars to change the world.
For the modest sum of 20$, I will grant you a one-time only non-transferable right to quote or publish this current offer in any publication of your choice.
For a mere 20$, you can make a political statement about the free flow of ideas and the absurdity of the copyright system.
Publish this offer on your blog and encourage others to do so! Who knows? You could help to make a difference!
With only twenty dollars (US funds), you may change the world!
A French version of this message is also available for the same price.
Stéphane Lussier
faveurs@MortelsFeles.com
Canada - 5/7/04
Show you the love - 20 pounds/hour
I am a psychiatrist. I knows all abouts the love. Come and get it while it's fresh. Sorry. Phresh.
Ciao!
Dr JP
cfc_facup97@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 4/7/04
Feet masage
Stress relief....emotion never felt before.....$200
Chien
unandalou@yahoo.com
United States of America - 4/7/04
Wilderness Canoe Expedition on Worlds's Largest Lake
I will take you on a beautiful wilderness canoe expedition on the world's largest lake, provide canoe and all necessary camping equipment, prepare and serve all your meals for you, make love to you on a variety of warm sand, cobble and rock beaches, and read to you from the book of your choice. If you are married, please be advised that you may not bring your husband along. You should supply the book, however, that is negotiable as I have a significant library. My fee - - and I am non-negotiable on this - - is that you must thoroughly enjoy yourself.
Swete Swyfen
swyfen@hotmail.com
Canada - 4/7/04
my semen for £5 a pop
how would you like a chance to own my fresh spunk delivered straight to your door in a sealed bag???? i am offering to come and service you personally for an extra £10 an hour plus expenses!!!!
be the first lady to have my child
i accept no responsability for any costs or medical bills for the afformentioned child!!!
i will include a turkey baster for any woman that accepts the £5 samples
this is cheap as most pregnancy clinics charge a fortune , im offering my semen for only £5!!!!!!!!
BARGAIN
dj pencil
dj_pencil@ntlworld.com
United Kingdom - 3/7/04
i will change your life
with airfare and luxury accomodations provided, i offer unique, perceptive insights, lightning rod style psychic chemistry, and great humor. for more informaition, reply with a detailed description of your mental state and your estate, then the details of your desperate need.
kulgarr
skritchmail@yahoo.com
United States of America - 3/7/04
You look like you need a friend
If you are feeling lonely and tired of being a nigel you can pay me $500 and i will be your friend for the day. Conditions of this will be that it will be my choice if i have to be seen in public with you and particiate in any other activities with you. ALL I CAN GAURANTEE IS THAT I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND.
Stuart Friend
stuart66123@hotmail.com
Australia - 3/7/04
Dead Boyfriend? Missing his little ways?
Boyfriend died recently? Miss his little ways - the sweaty socks, the loo seat left up, selfish love-making, those morning farts?
I can provide all these things and more. Just tell me what you miss most about your late boyfriend and I'll come up with goods - all for the low, low price of $230/month. Why suffer needlessly when help is but an email away?
moomoo
moomoojuice@gmail.com
Taiwan - 3/7/04
Tailor-made wish-fulfilment
I will stand by your side and help you realise every passing whim as they occur. I will sprint up and down your stairs with you waving a croquette mallett singing excerpts from Gilbert O'Sullivan's 1972 operetta 'The Dishcloth on my windowsill is dry and stiff' making squelching noises with the palm of my hand and an armpit, if you so wish. I will help you fashion a medium sized family car out of old cardboard boxes and place it it your garage, if you like.
Price: not less than two pounds fifty and a fresh jam sandwich per minute.
Percival Thighdangler
redstargloriousfiveyearplan@breath.com
Cuba - 3/7/04
Will be your biatch for a major publishing contract.
Get my novel published and distributed by a major North American publishing house and I will *totally* be your biatch. I'll bathe your feet in jasmine lather. I'll name my first born after you even if your name sucks. I'll scream your praises in pubs. I'll establish a grandiose erection in your honour. I'll convince all the neighborhood children that you're more powerful than Jesus and twice as dangerous.
http://thespacebetweendreams.com
K'an
kan@thespacebetweendreams.com
Canada - 3/7/04
Cry your name
I orgasm every night at 7.30pm GMT. Pay me $50 and your name will be the one i cry out (so loud the neighbours will complain). Reserve your place on the list by sending me your name. And the money, honey.
danger_boi
biginjapan36@yahoo.co.uk
Japan - 2/7/04
Had enough?
Have you had enough of the hussle and bussle of everyday life? Want to just get away from it all, but dont have the money or the time? Well now you can! For the small price of £500, I will personally come to YOUR house, and deliver to you, whenever you wish, 5 hours, thats right, FIVE HOURS, of complete and utter silence! Now you must be thinking, whats the catch? This is just too good to be true! Well, if you live within the West Midlands area, and have the £500, the dream is possible! I will personally sit in your house and deliver you with five hours of pure silence. Imagine - sitting on a warm summers day with your ice cold beer in one hand, and complete silence so that you can appreciate the good things in life. Bliss. So contact me today, and don't miss out on this EXCLUSIVE offer! warning - no touching, abusive language, or any form of physical or verbal communication allowed.
Mr Singh
jas_skill@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 2/7/04
Listen to Your Problems
For $20 (USD) an hour, you can call me up, and I'll be the caring, understanding person you always wished you'd known. I'll listen to your problems intently and ask you questions about what you just said, and even thrown in a couple of "awww"'s. You can't afford, to not call today.
Harry Jenkins
LuckyLucci13@hotmail.com
United States of America - 2/7/04
ORGASM-INDUCING COOKIES OF AWESOME.
$15 (plus shipping) for a batch of GIANT, KICK-ASS, ORGASM-INDUCING cookies of AWESOME.* The most delectable cookies known to man can be yours! Tried-and-true chocolatey, oatmeal-laden, peanut buttery eternally soft delights certified delicious by college undergraduates and my brothers. They are HARDD-KORE like Aron Ralston, X-TREEM like Vin Diesel, and TOTALLY SWEET like Yoda.
*orgasms not guaranteed
Cookie Dispenser
schroedinger@gmail.com
United States of America - 2/7/04
Accompaniment on a breathtaking tour of Antarctica and the Falkland Islands
Enjoy the stunning beauty of the seventh continent, while relaxing in a luxury suite on a 17-day cruise. Witness amazing marine life - whales, dolphins, krill - as well as native Falkland and Antarctic fauna such as king penguins, fur seals, and giant petrels. Beginning in Miami, I will accompany you throughout your journey. I will photograph and document the entire trip, so you can relax and enjoy the views sans viewfinder. I can regale you with tall tales, witticisms, and platitudes that are sure to amuse, befuddle and enthrall you. If you'd prefer, I'm equally adept at avoidance and standoffishness, allowing you to enjoy your Antarctic adventure in peace and solitude. For the price of two luxury suites ($14000 each), air travel from California to Florida ($800), and any expenses that arise, all this can be yours. Act now, and we can schedule the trip for Christmas holidays, and I will give you -free of charge- a wrapped gift on Christmas morning!
sai
sai1138@yahoo.com
United States of America - 2/7/04
I'll suck your toes in Picadilly Square for Free
If you are a chick then at no cost, I'll suck your toes in Picadilly Square any time day or night.
Bertrand
pickme@loveable.com
Ireland - 2/7/04
Bread and Butter Pudding
For the fee of £100(excluding travel costs) I will come to your home and bake you a beautiful homemade bread and butter pudding, for you to enjoy.
Note pudding feeds up to 8 people.
mel
claudia_dementia@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 2/7/04
a nice cup of tea
I will make anyone a nice cup of tea, free of charge all you have to do is drop me a line and I'll send you my address then come round and I'll make you a nice cup of tea. I do have some biscuits but if you want a something speical let me know and I'll see what I can do. E11
Ben
Ben Irwin
benirwin@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 2/7/04
Feel loved
I can send you an email, yes, a whole email, direct to you every day/week/month. Work or personal email addresses, just feel popular and loved.
I promise not to sell you farm sex or Viagra, just a nice email asking how you are and detailing what I've been up to.
Make yourself feel more popular than you really are.
Average cost £2.50 per email but special rates can be arranged for those with particularly low self esteem.
Matthew Lake
matthew.lake@ukonline.co.uk
United Kingdom - 2/7/04
Mutual Feeling
Feeling lonely, or wondering why do you bother/ what's the point in it all? I will share a warm and/ or passionate embrace with you, if only that you promise to return the warmth and compassion. Brian ** ********
Waterford,
Ireland
Brian ** ******
fuzzbrian@hotmail.com
Ireland - 2/7/04
geniuine love
for £2.50 an hour I will love and admire you from afar.No physical contact - just the warm satisfaction that comes from knowing someone thinks you are the greatest! bulk hourly rates available on request
dave lusby
dave_lusby@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 1/7/04
Arse plug sk8ter boi
For the princely sum of just one warm hug I will come round to your gaff, strap plates to my wrists/knees, and flood a hardwood floor space with ball bearings. Then, allowing you to insert your thumb into my anus, you can glide me around the room at your leisure or until I loose joint integrity.
Go on. I really need that hug.
Tired Hippo
emopussy@hotmail.com
Montserrat - 1/7/04
I bought a book today...
...and the very first quote was what made me buy it. I will shortly have finished reading it as it is a short book, but nicely bound. I will happily send it to anyone who can identify who said the quotes in this book. The first quote was;
'An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individual concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.'
Leo Siddall
leosiddall@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 1/7/04
Hugs
For the price of travelling expenses and any costs incurred whilst there, I will come visit you and provide you with a series of fantastic hugs. Naked hugs also available for an additional £50 per hug.
Alternatively, I also provide a hugging in-call service for £20 a hug, naked hugs being £50 each, your travelling expenses not paid.
Sarah
sarah_fungi@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/6/04
Imagine if there was a chick out there who lusted after *YOU* every single time she masturbated
Now, here's your chance.
For a price, I will think of you and only you every time I commit acts of self-love during a time period.
I will picture you in my mind, and pretend that all pleasurable touches come from your hands. I will pretend the rubber manhood thrusting in and out of me belongs to you. I will breathe your name heavily. I will lust after you. I will dream of you. I will long for you. And I will always fully believe that you have a huge cock.
Every orgasm will be with the thought of you in my mind. I will scream your name as I come repeatedly.
Prices in US Funds:
$10 a day
$45 a week
$300 a month
During each time period, I vow to commit acts of self-love to orgasm, at the very least, once per day, no matter what.
For $5 extra per day, per request, I will cater my self-love to your whims. Bondage? Sure. I'll tie myself up tightly and enjoy it. Anal penetration? Sure, I'll give that a go. Whatever your fetish, I'll do my best to do whatever you want me to do, and I will love it.**
For $400 extra, the next time I actually get laid, I will scream your name at the height of passion. I will pretend it is you, and I will think of you the entire time.***
Pictures and self descriptions are optional, but will greatly assist in the full capture of my lust for you.
** I reserve the right to know my limits. Prices may rise depending on how far past my comfort level your requests go.
*** Price rises to $750 if I am serious about the guy I will be screaming your name to, unless you happen to share the same name.
SombreHippie
sombrehippie@yahoo.com
Canada - 20/6/04
Say Nice Things About You At Your Funeral
Worried that the day to mark your passing is going to be an Eleanor Rigby type affair?
Fear not, for 20% of your estate (or £1000, whichever the greater) plus travel and overnight accomodation expenses, I will pretend to have known you, deliver a stirring eulogy, and then get drunk at your wake.
Applicants must supply either an annually updated biography (1 page max) or a link to their blog.
Dave Read
mail@monkeymagic.vcisp.net
United Kingdom - 19/6/04
Moral High Ground.
Feeling low, worthless, like the scum of the earth?
Do colleagues belittle you and neighbors look down on you?
Brother, you need to spend a little time on the Moral High Ground .
Yes that s right, the Moral High Ground , and today, from the low, low price of just £99.99p, you can get there!
NO, that is not a typing error or a corrupted document! Your direct route to the Moral High Ground from just £99.99p!
After an in-depth consultation I will come to your home, place of work or public thoroughfare of your choice and make a brash and unprovoked attack on your person. The effrontery can be physical, verbal or abstract depending on your needs, and will be guaranteed to arrest the attention of all within earshot.
Once the slur has been delivered all you need do is deliver your pre-determined retort (for example a warm brotherly/sisterly hug followed by a knowing and forgiving stare), and stroll away to your newly found place on the hallowed soil of the Moral High Ground .
I thank you for you time and look forward to our first consultation.
Guy Scott
guy.scott@tiscali.co.uk
United Kingdom - 1/6/04
drink beer
i will drink beer with you at a pub in bedford of my choice one evening. you pay for the beer and supply half of the conversation which you can lead and can be about topics of your choice. i make no promises about being amazingly good company but am a good listener.then we make a pact never to do it again and to ignore eachother if we randomly cross paths
iain fraser
iain.fraser57@ntlworld.com
United Kingdom - 21/5/04
I Will Always Love You
Do you need to know that someone other than your mother will love you until they die? Tell me about yourself, and I'll send you an estimate based on your lovability index.
Bella S
bella.s@talk21.com
United Kingdom - 14/5/04
Natalie
...YOu, yes you to could own your very own Natalie. Slightly warn round the edges but a fairly comfortable model, needs some acre and attention but nothing a good wash wouldn't sort out. a fair few careful owners and really it is difficult to tell she's an early 70's edition. THe cost I hear you Cry?? 2 million quid. hey she'd kill me if i flogged her for less.
almundy
alexandersevans@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/4/04
ya mum
ya mum needs help? i can help
Ya Father
yafther@hotmail.com
Bhutan - 8/4/04
Luck
I have lots of luck and now you can too. For One Pound you can have 2 centimetres of luck. It'll be waiting for you on your doormat in the morning along with your post.
Barnaby Slicebottom
bsbottom@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/4/04
20 Questions
For £20 i will sell you the right to ask me 20 questions of your own choice. These i will answer honestly and frankly in the hope that you and i will get to know me better.
John Hirst
hirst_john@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 29/3/04
Teach you how to be good
I will teach how to do everything better, be liked by all, make friends, woo the opposite sex, realise your potential and earn respect £100 for one hour consultation
The Ape
mahnkeylahve@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 26/3/04
Need a best friend?
I can be your best friend for cash. The friendship can cover anything from listening to your problems, giving you good advice, shopping for you/with you, giving you moral support, generally helping you through life! Guys or gals if you need an instant friend without the upkeep...pay me! My hourly rate is £200.
Nahid
nahid@nahid-de-b.co.uk
United Kingdom - 28/2/04
