Anytime you're feeling unhappy, wanting to change your partner/something in your life. For the nominal fee of £100 a month you can call me night or day and I will convince you that the grass is not always greener on the other side. One off consultations £20
Thinking about leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend ? Got your eye on someone new ? Contemplating a bigger better home ? Wondering about moving to a new location ? Looking in the mirror and wanting a better nose ? Well I'm here to explain to you night or day that the grass isn't always greener. Whatever it is you want to change I'll explain in minute detail that you are much better off as you are. You'll count your lucky stars at just how blessed you already are. Email me now
pollyannagrass@aol.com
from pollyannathegrassisntalwaysgreener.com
Pollyanna
pollyannagrass@aol.com
United Kingdom - 12/4/09
Interesting thoughtful individual
i enjoy discussing & doing different item's at different time's & location's in difrferent situation's at different time's in my life . I do not Drive a Car currently,I can Drive a Car in the future once my current Doctor give's me the permisstion to Drive once again in my future . My CJ-7 Jeep Wrangler flipped on me in March in 1988 when Jeep was having problem's with Jeep CJ-Wrangler's flipping at that time . I drove a Car in Texas in 1992 . I well become more detailed on my informaation concerning the Driving in better detail in the future .I'am 50 Year's old I live in Carson California .Both my Parent's Died in 2,006 . My Uncle Dennis moved into my Parent's old room . Dennis is a good individual . What we do together we do not have to tell Dennis or Mike .We well keep what we do & discuss between you & I . My Home address is Tim Frisk,Dennis Tucker South Avalon,122,Carson,California,90746 . My room phone number is 1-310-808-0557 . I have a answer machineyou can E-Mail different letter's & picture's & you can call & visit during the Day or Night in the future,Tim,8-21-2,008,Thrusday
Tim Frisk
tfrisk@sbcglobal.net
United Kingdom - 21/8/08
The most professional origami crane ever
Have you ever wondered why you're such an asshole?
Maybe it's because of your pms... Maybe you're just a bitch...
Or, maybe it's because YOU don;t have an origami crane.
That's right. For only $200 USD, I will fold you the best fuckin origami crane that you're never going to see.
It will sit on my windowsill and the souls of the departed will send good luck towards your general direction.
a douchebag
super-b-douche@gmail.com
Virgin Islands (USA) - 13/6/08
Wrestling Superstar
Ever want to be a professional wrestler? Dream of walking into a packed arena to the sound of your very own theme song? Wish you could experience the rush of fans screaming your name every time you walk into a room? Well now you can! For the minimal fee of $200 USD I will accompany you on your daily routine and announce your presence while playing your chosen theme music before you enter any room. For an extra $50 USD I will also produce a custom* theme song to match your chosen wrestling persona (* note custom theme song limited to tracks 1-17 on The Chipmunks Greatest Christmas Hits album).
$200 fee includes Presenter with boom box, glittery sport coat, ray ban sunglasses, megaphone and slick back hair. Cardboard signs proclaiming your dominance or hatred to be passed out to patrons before your arrival in each room. Additional services include midget sidekick, Roman candle pyrotechnics, LED flashlight light show, and lit cigarette fog machine.
Rob
Machoman@yahoo.com
United States of America - 25/2/08
Heavy Equipment Operator/
Truck Driver
Any one who needs a few odd jobs done around the ranch or the golf course who is interested in hiring someone to come out and do it for them. Consider givin me a ring. I can run just about anything u can throw at me and sometimes i can fix it too. Landscaping and tree work is not a problem, nor would post hole drillin, fence painting, trenching, ditching, dozing of any kind, residential irrigation,drilling other than water and anything else u might have kickin around for odd jobs. You rent the equipment and or own, and i'll get shit done,quick as possible with no fuck-ups. I will work for equipment or land but other than that i prefer day rate and accomodations provided.How much do i charge per day u ask. Well that all depends on how much fun i have after work. If you the client was a golf course or a hotel resort somewhere incredibly beautiful with tons of women and lots of free alcohol. I would not charge a whole lot of money.But if the opposite were true. U'd be payin out y'er asshole. So there you have it folks that's my 2cents on this amazing awesomely fuckin wackd website you silly fucks got goin on here. p.s and if u're a hot cougar I will work for free
muffinman
rigpigcalgary@yahoo.com
Canada - 26/11/07
NARROW BOAT SHIFTER - UPDATE
Want to move your canal boat but too busy, idle or scared to do it yourself? I'll shift it from anywhere to anywhere on the English/Welsh canals, excluding the tidal Trent. Let's say, what? Three hundred quid for a weeks work? Available from Christmas. Or thereabouts.
(Update due to change of email address and I was undercharging - still no takers though)
scorzonera
scorzonera@peacemail.com
United Kingdom - 4/10/07
Assassin
I commit murders. The price depends on the person
Jason
apeirongr@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 1/10/07
Get Nekkid
Ever feel like there's not enough nudity in the world? For $10 USD per month I will sit around my apartment naked as a blue-jay. Scratching extra as required.
Jared
jarednance2000@yahoo.com
United States of America - 28/9/07
Narrow Boat Shifter
Got a narrow boat? Want it shifting? Too busy/lazy/scared to do it yourself? I will shift your boat anywhere on the connected English and Welsh canal network except the tidal Trent. Two years since I last offered my services, so the price has gone up to around 250 quid a week (but I'm flexible).
scorzonera
scorzonera@peacemail.com
United Kingdom - 23/9/06
Disrespect the dead.
What better way to disrespect the memory of a sadly departed loved one, than dancing on their grave? For a fixed fee of £10 plus travel expenses I will visit the grave and dance to a song of your choosing. Additional dances £5.
N.B Please note I can't moonwalk.
the nefarious labaster
bustinmooves@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/11/05
Your Very Own Day
For the completely reasonable sum of $75 (US-- I think that's about forty-five P in the U.K. these days) I will, on the date of your choosing, celebrate YOU for the day and continue the tradition anually for the remainder of my natural life. On that day I will take off work (if applicable and professionally convenient); offer prayers, praise, and toasts in your name; decorate my environment for the holiday; and if possible convince my friends to go out for drinking and revelry in celebration of YOU on YOUR DAY. Notice: To add value and completely nix the chance that I get 365 or more replies, I will only accept one (1) offer, on a first-paid, first-celebrated-annually-for-the-rest-of-my-life basis. Serious offers only; no serial rapists, child molesters, warmongering heads of state or anyone else whose black deeds would otherwise jeopardize what passes for my soul by asking that I celebrate your presence on Earth. Further Notice: The parenthetical joke about forty-five P was made in jest; no offers of forty-five pence UK will be considered unless accompanied by the rest of the $75.
Omar
omar@omar.org
United States of America - 8/2/05
I'm an arse and deserve a kicking
Hi, my name is Christopher and the email below is one I send out to people trying to con them out of money using the Tsunami disaster as an excuse. I stupidly left my email addresses and real phone number on the email. Feel free to phone me to call me an arse and to email me any dodgy stuff you can. Get me in all the trouble I deserve. Here's the email: Christopher Owono Edu London - England. Tel : +44 20 70 600459 Date : 24/1/05 As i write you this letter I only hope it gets to you in a positive state of mind. My name is Christopher Owono Edu. A citizen of Ghana, 23 years of age and presently studying in London-England. I write you this letter out of grief, desolation and total despair as I have lost my entire family including father, mother and two sisters who were on Asia tour when the tidal wave struck and took their whole lives in Sri Lanka. Infact, I would have been with them if not for my pressing academic work and exams that I was writing at the time.I have cried and cried until tears ceased to flow from my eyes asking God again and again why me? My late father Honourable Mr. Alex Owono Edu was a carrier diplomat and former ambassador of my country to Spain for 8 years during the rule of our Ex president Mr. J.J. Rawlings. Following the wake of the disaster, I was summoned to the chambers of our family lawyer here in U.K. who handed over to me a Certificate of Deposit and a strange looking key of a trunk box containing the sum of US$18million which was deposited by my late father in a self Storage and security company in Madrid -Spain. I was visibly shocked at this revelations but this Lawyer who also was a good friend and confidant of my late father explained that the money was proceeds from illegal and smuggled Gold sales transaction to European companies during his tenure in office. As you know, my Country Ghana is richly Blessed with Gold and other natural mineral resources. My father in turn was taking advantage of his diplomatic status to smuggle the Gold without been noticed. You see, I am a born again Christian and strongly believe in the second and imminent coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The end time is fast approaching and all these disaster, tribulations, epidemics, wars, nations against nations is a clear sign of the end time hence I have decided against claiming the money for my personal enrichment. I would have loved to return the money to the government of my country but decided against it as it will eventually land in the pockets of those rapacious government officials and that´s why I have taken a firm decision to offer it to the Tsunamis victims and some other charity organisations in Africa. Your role is to take delivery of the deposit in the self Storage company and further distribute it accordingly. You will only be entitled to 10% of the total sum for your time and to cover your travel expenses while claiming and distributing the funds. I would have done this myself but I do not have the time as I am presently rounding up my school programme and most especially, I do not want to have direct connection to that money. However, it will interest you to know that I have already travelled to Madrid briefly for a fact finding mission and to confirm the existence of the Deposit hence am writing to you. Upon your reply confirming your readiness and willingness to carry out this mission, I shall furnish you full details of the self storage company and a copy of the Deposit Certificate attached with a letter of Authorisation that permits you to take release of the trunk Box. On your reply, ensure that you include your full names and address and telephone number as shown in your international passport to enable me draft up a suitable letter of authorisation for the claim. In conclusion, I beg you to keep this letter and its contents in the strictest manner of confidentiality in order not to jeopardise the claim as the self storage company probably is not aware of the contents of the trunk box. I await your urgent response or phone call. You should reply me through my secured email address : owonoedu@seark.com May God Bless you as you carry out His wish. Yours Faithfully, Christopher Owono Edu
Christopher Owono Edu
owonoedu@zwallet.com
United Kingdom - 26/1/05
Shit hit the fan
I live in the country, so shit of all sorts is easy to get. Just send me a fan, fairly large and high powered, and I will make sure the excrement contacts the ventilating device. Cost? I'll keep the fan, and we'll call it square.
art
artsfarts@yahoo.ca
Canada - 8/1/05
Shout insults at Amerika
Yes, due to my close proximity to the U.S.A., I will stand on a hill, and shout insults at the country in general. Left to my own devices, they would usually take the form of political slurs, calling them the greatest threat to world peace, mindless over-consumers, and generally call into question their choice of leaders. This I would gladly do for the bargain price of $1.00 Can. per insult. Specific insults, of a non-threatening nature can be negotiated.
art
artsfarts101@yahoo.ca
Canada - 5/1/05
Your name in the sand
For a mere $10 Canadian, I will write your name in the sand, at low tide, on a beach where the highest tides in the world will soon cover it. For $5 more you can have a second name plus connecting words such as: loves, hates, Fu*#!, etc. Your choice. Also available is bad poetry (with or without your name, or someone else's again, Your choice). My rate, a very reasonable $1 per word ($15 min.) Other requests considered, rates to be negotiated. 1 low-res. photo will be e-mailed to you if requested. Don't hesitate, this is the best deal of such an impermanate nature available this century.
art
artsfarts101@yahoo.ca
Canada - 1/1/05
Imaginary Girlfriend
For $40 a month I will send you an email everyday letting you know how much I love you, and miss you. We can chat online a few times a week. You can let me know all about yourself and what you like and dislike to help your friends think this is the real deal. For additional charges, I can even call you on your cell phone when you wish me to. Have a a girlfriend you can dump whenever or yell at whenever you wish, no matter what you say I'll always come back for me. I am pretty flexible on what we can do. Email me if interested.
b
orangesodapizza@yahoo.com
United States of America - 20/12/04
A mile in your shoes.
For exactly $50.00 USD plus the price of shipping, I will walk exactly 1 mile (~1.6 kilometres) in your shoes. After establishing e-mail contact, you will package and ship your shoes and a money order in the amount of $50.00 plus the price of return shipping to the address I will give you. When I receive your shoes, I will walk exactly one mile in them. I will make a video document of myself walking one mile in your shoes. I will then write a one-paged (single-spaced, 12 pt. font) essay on what it was like to walk in your shoes. Upon completion, I will package and ship your shoes, a CD containing a digital copy of the video, and the essay to the return address from the original package.
Loki
hauptbeuteltier@yahoo.com
United States of America - 14/12/04
when i see you i will know the price.
i want someone hot so that i go in flames. some large tits, preferably fair. tall with them heel on.
john preston
preyea2000@yajhoo.com
Ghana - 9/12/04
Arch nemesis
Hey, you have'nt done anything to me, and so far me and you have a blank emotional connection, but for the reasonable price of £100, I will become your sworn mortal enemy. This service will include verbal physical and mental abuse, matriachal insults, and attempts on your life, and will only stop when you choose and pay me a second £100 pounds. Some people need that kind of hatred before they can really shine, and if that person is you, then I am your man!! Love Josh
Josh
josh@bolshaband.com
United Kingdom - 18/10/04
i won't do anything worth while. Watch me waste space!
i will sit around and moan about the state of our country while claiming dole in two different names. this money will then be invested in a local bookmakers. while moaning about the state of my country, i will on occaisonstop and moan about other countries, and about how they are ruining ours. CAUTION: anyone who is not white, has a job, some degree of education, or some common fucking sense may not appreciate this.
neil
friendless@blameless.com
United Kingdom - 13/10/04
DEVASTATE MY LIFE
Sponsor me to F**k up my life...willing to devastate my life..make passes at friends girlfriend..have drunken brawls with same friends...borrow money and not pay back...then get fired from job..thrown out of flat...and get arrested...(and possibly devolping a drug/alcohol addiction on the way)..i have a price and this does depend on how much interest i can raise...a sponsor's donation account will be set up accordingly..all sponsor's will recieve daily update with proof's of event's ie:letter of job termination,charge sheet from arrest,possible written testimony from ex-friends.. etc..again this does depend on raising the sponsorship to fund the ultimate "every man has their price"...
justin
devastate_my_life@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 11/10/04
8 HOURS OF FAME!
I'll folow you around for 8 hours (am, pm or a combination of both) with a camera and sound crew. I don't care what we do or where we go. The only rule is you can't reference any of us or aknowledge our prescence. If someone says "Hey, (your name) what the fuck are these guys following you around for?", you have to respond with a shrug or pretend like they've lost their mind. Prices negotiable, starting at $100.
G.
writegardner@hotmail.com
United States of America - 2/10/04
DON'T WORRY
Stop worrying now, whatever the problem is, don't worry - I'll do it for you. Charges are £5 per worry, each additional worry £2.50. Don't worry how I charge such low prices, I'll do that. And don't worry that I won't worry for you, I'll worry about that too along with your original worry.
Dante
happyfellow@deathsdoor.com
United Kingdom - 1/10/04
fun drawings of you or me!
if you too would like a slightly amusing but scary drawing of yourself you are at the right place.for the low price of $5 once you submit any photo i will draw it from my own imagination.possible items that it would have include:balloons,bear bodies,ice cream cones,diet cola,odd stars,large overdrawn eyes,blood,and for an additional $2 any item you wish.
tonyvortex
tonyvortex@gmail.com
United States of America - 30/9/04
FRESH PLASTIC COCKS!!!!!!!
for £4.35 per hour i will come to your house/apartment/jail cell and clean your dildo/vibrator using a high strengh polish and waxing brush. i gurantee your sex toy will look and smell like it is fresh out the box e-mail now for money off vouchers and student discount rates! our promise if it smells like trout you pay nowt
jambo ficticious
hangingwithmrmanwhore@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 29/9/04
Birds! - Too much of a hit with the boys?
Bit too much of a fucking stunner are we? Always getting chatted up by the lads? Bit of a stuck-up cunt who needs bringing down a peg or two, are ya? WELL ARE YA??? For a quid or upwards, I shall let you down by not meeting you for a date. I'm quite prepared to make the arrangements, London only. You turn up, I don't. You end up publicly looking like a mate-less fuck, and go home to cry to your other sycophantic girlfriends. Simple as. Mail me and let's get the ball rolling.
aido
feedmealine@lycos.co.uk
United Kingdom - 23/9/04
my incontinent squirell collection
please note: this advertisement has nothing to do with squirells or there bowel movements. thank you. 1 piece of lightly folded a4 sized paper soaked in gin(romanian) and dusted with henna for that all round euphoric effect can be yours if you bring me one lock of hair(pubic/underarm) from a mermaid named doris who roams the indian ocean pretending to be a taxi driver but whos licence expired in march 2001 it can be posted from a uk based postal box to my hometown of walking distance from anywhere not second class please i'm inpatient. thank you
jambo fictcious
hangingwithmrmanwhore@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 21/9/04
Would you like me to stop?
Seriously... would you like me stop posting pseudo-adverts on this site? For the one off low payment of massaging my ego till I either pass out or fuck off I will stop leaving these asanine ads full of vitriol that are a half-arsed disguised plea, a cry for help, a childlike tantrum for attention if you will. Tell me I'm great and I'll leave you good people alone. I promise.
Noam Flouncey-Bumchuckles
paul@thedale.com
United Kingdom - 20/9/04
NARROW BOAT SHIFTER
Want to move your boat but too busy, idle or scared to do it yourself? I'll shift it from anywhere to anywhere on the English/Welsh canals, excluding the tidal Trent. Let's say, what? Two hundred quid for a weeks work? Available from Christmas. Or thereabouts.
scorz
scorzonera@lycos.com
United Kingdom - 19/9/04
Is it time to kicks their 'asses' back?
Tired of reading angry tirades from uneducated, drunk American males? Bored of their lack of understanding and confused views on the rest of the world? Somewhat amused but ultimately saddened by the fact they are totally unaware of the dogma with which they have been smacked silly since they were farted out of their slack mother's womb? Send me £0 now and I will curse their belligerent, misguided ways, their porcine, oleaginous faces, their overbearing, imperious manner and their vulgar, vociferous, blaring voices. I will grab the nearest yank and discuss with them their bogus idea of cultural imperialism and tell him in no uncertain terms that it is really tied up with phantasmagorical notions of 'choice' and 'freedom'. I will shout; "Freedom of speech?" "Freedom of choice?" then explain that it is hiding under a mire of politically enforced dogma. They are stuck in this vortex of their own shit doctrine they've created to rob and con each other whilst smiling 'have a nice fucking day'. All you fucking yanks ever talk about is your (admittedly confused idea of) freedom and freedom of speech when all you really want to do is bully people into silence. They are a nation built upon ignorance and maintained by blind consumption. Everything you stuff into your fat super-sized faces is manufactured in impoverished countries you don't even know exist.... let alone have visited. You are the most superficially religious country on the face of this planet but your lives are the very antithesis to the Christian ethos. The world's police? Do you have love for the people living in artificial economic depression forced upon them by trade embargoes established by your corrupt government for their own political ends? The world is riddled with pollution.... global warming is a REALITY.... the USA REFUSES TO SIGN THE KYOTO TREATY. The USA is aggressively employing a policy of international imperialism. Cultural diversity is nearly a thing of the past with your support for the invasion of militarily inferior countries with resources you can usurp. You are creating a horrid, merciless and futureless world of hate and intolerance. For another £5 I will give them a Chinese burn and run away.
Jim L Fixit
paul@thedale.com
United Kingdom - 18/9/04
Clean up after your party
I will clean your house after your party plus go to the shops and get you all you need to combat your hangovers, plus will generally pamper any casualties back to full health, make tea etc. £20 per hour - London only
Gina
ginajenkins@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 14/9/04
TRAMP 'WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?' (With £100).
If someone gives me £50, I will donate another £50, then set up two chairs outside King's Cross station. The first tramp, vagabond or pan-handler asking if I've got any spare change will be told 'I'll give you a pound if you can answer a simple general knowledge question'. The game will progress from there with the tramp able to gamble at the various stages up to £100. They will have the options of 50/50, ask the voices in their head or harass the audience (ie passers-by). I will let you know when I'm doing it so you can come along and watch if I manage to procure the necessary sponsorship.
Richard Tyrone Jones (see also below)
richardtyronejones@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/9/04
DRAW A PICTURE OF YOU FROM YOUR WORDS
Describe yourself in 50 words, send it to me and I will draw a picture of what I imagine you to look like from your description. This will test both the accuracy of your literary prowess and that of your self-image. Alternatively, send me a picture of yourself and I shall describe you in 50 words. I am a writer and poet who runs a writing group in North London and I have an A-Level in Art & Design, from ages ago. Special offer! I’ll do it for free. I now have a scanner so it won't take so long. Here's a quote from a satisfied customer: "there are, however, aspects of it that could, in a dim light, be said to faintly resemble my features. Thankyou"
Richard Tyrone Jones (see also below)
richardtyronejones@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 7/9/04
CUSTOM EGO DE/INFLATION
Have you lost perspective? Do you need a stern talking to or an inspiring pep talk? Are you running yourself down? Living in denial of your actual viability? Perpetuating a personal lie? For 25 US dollars via paypal or equivalent wishlisted item, I will buck you up or take the wind out of your sales, rail or regale you with the facts for a minimum of 15 minutes by phone (incurred charges are added). For 50 US dollars, i will take an in depth polar stance and let you try and justify your perspective against the deft parry of logic, philosophy, psychology, what have you-- short of outright untruth.
ethylene
ethylene@earthlink.net
United States of America - 6/9/04
SAY ANYTHING
I will say whatever you like to whomever you like or in whatever context as long as it exists within the realm of truth. Willing to adjust/customize language to whatever means necessary but will not tell an outright lie (default right to refuse to acknowledge your existence). Whether you don't want to say it, don't want to be the one to say it, don't know how to say it, or just want someone else to do it-- --for 8 US dollars via paypal, i will speak for up to 5 minutes of the subject of your choosing to the subject(s) of your choosing at the time of your choosing, or randomly in any category, with a selection of accents subject to availability, or in lack of witness provide proof by fifteen second digital video clip, burned onto disc for an additional fee. *Tell someone how you feel or how they're fired. *Why they should never wear those pants again. *Announce to a crowd that your band is getting less mediocre every day. *Prevent movie revenue of bad blockbuster movies *Tell that BMV offical they are offputting and not a little smelly. *Protest the bagel place you have to frequent for convenience. *Out yourself to distant relatives/old friends. *Complain about the service. *Tell your ex how much weight you lost making all that money having great sex. *Inform your old co workers about how much everyone is being paid and how your boss' "consultant" is from Happy Endings The mind boggles at the many options you can use to make this work for you! For 25 US dollars or equivalent information unit (CD,book, film, etc.) and phone card, extend your time to a minimum of half an hour, three topics or attempts involving C level celebrity contact. Favorable or continued contact is extra. More lengthy, detailed or complex efforts can be negotiated.
ethylene
ethylene@earthlink.net
United States of America - 5/9/04
I'LL TEACH YOUR MUM A LESSON
Are you fed up with hearing "watch out, you'll have someones eye out with that". Yes, of course you are. For a kilo of chocolate or flour or linseed oil, I'll run around with the implement in question, attacking people with it, and prooving that whist the victims may sustain massive injury, it will not have their eye out. Please note, I don't do spoons.
Dante
dantelarue@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 1/9/04
Ill of the Dead
For just £25 per week, I will speak ill of the dead. Let me know which dead person you want badmouthed, and I'll invent some scurrilous yet believable stories about their sexual deviancy/wife-beating prowess/shoplifting exploits/secret serial-killing sprees (delete as applicable), and relate said stories to at least five people per week until your money runs out. A special cut-price offer is available on Richard Madeley, even though he's not dead yet. Apply for details.
Jim
fahnn@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 23/8/04
finger lickin goooood
fear the task of cleanin greasy oven pans and stacks of dirty dishes after the anual thanksgivin family meal? hate the fishy taste of your ladys bottom lips? lose too much time stamping correspondance? at school they called me quicklick,no guy had his toungue outnabout like me did. I lick anything from your kitchen sink to your toilet seat or ya mas cunt with pleasure. cleanliness and satisfaction guaranteed. pricelist 04: ovenpans 12§ dinnerplates3$ spoons 1$ forks/knives 5$ pussy brazilian style 8$ pussy nature 15$ toilet seat 10$ toilet bowl 15$ behind (male) 20$ behind (female) 15$ windowS (size dependant) 8-30$ floor (tiles) 12$/m2 floor (wood) 14$/m2 feet (pair) 12$ armpits (pair) 2,50$ Let me know what needs licking - I will be glad to wet my tongue and give it a goood wash. special offers on wednesdays, no dicks, no plates that had pork on them (i`m a muslem). money back if not satisfied! *SEPTEMBER OFFER* >> let me get your rubberboots ready for those stormy autumn days: just 5$ a pair, 3 pairs for 12$!
Mr Lick
inscheel@aol.com
Reunion - 23/8/04
sing (narrate) your life
id like to narrate your life for a day. ill hang around in the background, unseen, providing an insight into your thoughts and actions out loud for you (and everyone else) to hear. e.g. "dave walked into the bar, wearing nothing but a grin and shoulder pads. he surveyed the scene. a girl gave him a smile, 'what a minger' thought our hero. the girl abruptly stopped smiling and threw her drink over dave, who seemed baffled. he walked to the bar, a masterly walk. he was a ladys man and his cheeky wiggle attracted the stares of many a lady, also some men, especially the effeminate barman." all this for chips and mushy peas (mmmmmm). DISCLAIMER: should the narrators interpretations of your thoughts cause effeminate-looking barmen to take exception to ur apparent slander i will not be held responsible.
gareth zaRquon
seemyvest2002@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 21/8/04
I will be your billboard
For ten pounds, plus the cost of manufacture, I will make and wear intermittently over a period of two months a T-shirt displaying your image. I will do my best to make sure your image is widely seen - attending unwelcome parties, going shopping in rush hour, etc. I live and work in London, so your image will be admired by inhabitants of and visitors to what was, in the nineteenth century, the capital of the world. Please send a digital photograph and any personal details you would like me to divulge in conversation.
Duncan Law
DUNCANLAWVANITY@HOTMAIL.COM
United Kingdom - 20/8/04
INVENT SOMETHING USEFUL
For £13.40 I will deploy all the experience and electronic knowledge I possess to create an entirely new good each week, until Everton win another trophy. Add an extra £1.60 and I'll solve the political deadlock in Northern Ireland with a left-handed ultra vires decree. All religion will be banned and only sad guitar music shall be played. Sunday will be removed too. My first invention is: A mobile phone add-on that lets you programme your video or DVD player while out on the piss.
Gareth Dorrian
garethdorrian@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 19/8/04
Will let you point in the direction of Black Stars!
For 23 illegal mp3's of your liking, I'll let you point me in direction of offers on youwhores.com which has been awarded the Black Star for creativity and realism. Where the funk are they?
Anders Dam
bassehvidballe@hotmail.com
Denmark - 18/8/04
holiday for a kitchen
I will fit your new kitchen and tile your new plastered walls and wire you plugs and piant it all for free if....................................... You let my family stay in your house for two weeks holiday (devon cornwall norfolk) this is a genuine offer I have refrences but cant afford a real holiday this year email me with your questions would also consider bedrooms or garden landscape work refrences for all these types of work
simon
sfreedman@tiscali.co.uk
United Kingdom - 17/8/04
INDUSTRIAL LAMINATOR
Industrial laminator. Will laminate anything. I have just done my face. Will laminate your face for £5 or your wife for £10 or your house for £25.
Dante
dante_larue@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 14/8/04
Font Of Infinite Knowledge
This is a one time offer that I will not post again! I will answer any one question of your choice on any topic that you wish. I guarantee a full & complete answer to any question/problem that you put to me & what’s more if my answer does not meet your with your satisfaction, then I will post an grovelling apology on any forum that you name, completely & utterly ridiculing myself for your gratification. This is a serious offer that comes at no cost to you, I have extensive knowledge on numerous subject matters!
Master of the Ages
anh3271@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 11/8/04
The Cleverness Patrol
I will delete the lame-o and pornyriffic notices on this site for free, free, free, free. Not that I have anything against pornyrifficness...I just wanna see more fun adverts for cake painting and drawing me from 50 words or less. Yep.
TJ
tecopajane@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/8/04
I will take you on an urban big game fishing expedition for £1.
In the last few months I have been guiding urban big game fishing expeditions [see http://www.slacksabbath.com] in the UK and will guide an urban big game fishing expedition for 1 pound sterling.
Jeffrey Disastronaut
info@disastronaut.com
United Kingdom - 7/8/04
I will set up an internet storefront with products selling your art, photos or slogans $25 (USD)
For $25 (U.S. dollars) I will set up a storefront selling tee shirts, mugs, clocks etc.. featuring your art, photos or slogans. All profits from sales (minimum $25) will be mailed directly to you. All you have to do is send me $25 (U.S.) , high resolution copies of your art or a list of the slogans you'd like to sell and your mailing address. I will format your images or slogans for each product, set up your shop and provide you with the URL to your new internet storefront. For additional shops, please add $15. For an extra $10 per shop, I will submit it to search engines for you. Images can not include full frontal nudity, illegal activity or tobacco usage. Those are the site's rules, not mine.
Dynomoose
adynomoose@hotmail.com
United States of America - 7/8/04
Cake II
I will paint a portrait of a cake for you. I've never really painted anything, so you know it's going to be good. It may be a slice of cake; it make be a whole cake. I really can't say right now, that's part of the creative process. I will be charging $26 USD for this product. For an extra $2.78 USD I can add a small toy race car sitting at the side of the cake. http://cardhouse.com/contact/contact.htm
Cardhouse
noemail
United States of America - 6/8/04
Tour of my own personal pet cemetery
For £45 I will take you on a tour of the graveyard of my childhood pets. Anecdotes about dead pets will cost an extra £5. Too sensitive to negotiate.
annatheant
annatheant@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 6/8/04
Paranoid?
Think everyone is out to get you? Think people are talking behind your back? Well they probably are. For just £50 a week I will feed your paranoia. Every time you get the feeling that somebody is after you I will re-assure you that this is indeed the case no matter that the evidence probably says otherwise. I will also dispense advice (usually suggesting an over elaborate and violent pre-emptive strike against anyone who looks at you "a bit funny"). Three re-assurances and two pieces of advice a week maximum.
Junk Monkey
junkmonkey_@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 6/8/04
gardening
experienced gardener/plantsman will renovate your weed-infested garden in exchange for full board and pocket money anywhere in europe
brian heath
heathfieldestate@yahoo.com
United Kingdom - 6/8/04
Ass kicker
Are you the type who gets nothing done? Do you need someone to make you "get a grip"? I am one motivading mother fucker who can make you do whatever you need to be done and more. I got plenty of references, get out of your ass and start by e-mailing me NOW.
Forgh
Forgh@aol.com
United States of America - 5/8/04
tired of sitting around watching the telly?
Why not go for a walk round a owl sancuary or a victorian folly? I will come round and sit on your chair/sofa/bed/sideboard/floor and watch it for you. All you need do is supply me with the means of making tea/sandwiches,and 1/8 of grass. cable veiwers in the penge area of london only please.
Ollie
olliefantastic@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 5/8/04
I will read your e-mail
I will read your e-mail for twenty dollars. You can set a price for reading e-mail, too. And if whoever runs "youwhores.com" would like to, I can set up youwhores.com forwarding addresses for all you youwhores whores out there in the internet, using my sender-pays system, and then everyone can make the same reasonable demand.
david nicol
Davidnicol@pay2send.com
United States of America - 4/8/04
Become A GOD!
For the relatively small expenditure of £1,499,999.99 I will erect an elaborate shrine to YOU! (and any friends/family who you wish to be lesser Dieties). WORSHIP will be held twice daily in a FAITHFUL manor. we shall endeavor to extend our belief in YOURSELF as far as possible and any additional "God-sends" would be greatfully recieved. PAYMENT can be spread over 200 Monthly installments of 8,000 We look forward to your deposite of £10,000 and remember: We BELIEVE in YOU!
S.J.P.
s_j_powermarine@msn.com
United Kingdom - 1/8/04
I will eat the world
For £5 a request, I will eat anything you suggest and let you know how it tastes.
Guy
guy2p@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 31/7/04
Disposable Boyfriend
I will perform any tasks apart from DIY or watching soaps. Once finished you can say goodbye forever. Dinners, drinks, conversations or fairly decent sex, all without any commitment or ties. If it makes you feel better you can pay me in cash, otherwise free drinks or a few fat spliffs will suffice. You know it makes sense, and I promise not to talk about cars or try to watch the football over your shoulder while you drone on about your friends/job/family etc.
Ben
openedonce@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 30/7/04
me
nothng
Luca
luca@aol.com
United States of America - 30/7/04
Entry Level Work in Media (in London)
For the small sum of 12,000 English Pounds per annum I will degrade myself beyond the point of a safe psychological return! Watch me as I commute into the centre of London everyday withstanding the smelly, sweaty, silent (everyone on the verge of tears) type atmosphere that only the tube can deliver so delightfully! (1 hour in, 1 hour back). I will walk into an office in which no one will want to even look at me for fear of being seen saying good morning to 'The Runner'. I will spend the next hour making sure that all the over-fed public school educated knobs in the office have the right coffee/pain-au-chocolats on their desk. I will also do all other shopping required for office. I will then spend the rest of the day manning a fax machine and making sure that everyone has a cup of tea as and when they want it! If I am lucky I will get to stare at the back-end of taxi's for an hour if I have to pick up/drop off a person or package. If I am extra lucky I will get to be stuck on the A40 for several hours in rush hour, my only comfort being the playlisted radio garbage which I will listen to letting what is left of my soul disintegrate into the grey Tuesday afternoon atmosphere. (n.b. The fact that I own a 1st Degree from 'The best course of its kind in the country' should make parting with that cash that much sweeter).
Dwain Dibley
Everyman@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 27/7/04
Vote for Bush
Will vote for Bush for $10
Detrus
detrus@subver.com
United States of America - 26/7/04
Excuse to wife
For $5 you can use me as an excuse to your spouse. I'll admit to anything and send an email apologizing for my bad behavior and that it was all my idea and you were not at fault, or you were with me that night. For $25 I’ll telephone.
Dave
jellohasmeat@eudoramail.com
United States of America - 26/7/04
Food for thought?
Lonely? Tired of being just another loser in the rat race, never more than another face in the crowd? Well today's your lucky day. This hungry person will think of you for a day each week in exchange for food. Just come round to my house with an item of delicious food (address given when contacted) and have peace of mind in the fact that someone, is thinking of you.
Matt
ostrich_54321@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 24/7/04
relationship problems? i can make it all go away...
do you just want to be happy with a significant other? do you just seem to have bad luck with love? cant get laid? just send me a pic of yourself, a quick (500 words or less) description of what went wrong in your last relationship, and about 150 words describing what you want out of a relationship/life. for just 5 dollars i will straighten you out. you will never wonder what the hell is wrong with you again. i guarantee.
derrik
silence_1066@hotmail.com
United States of America - 24/7/04
will do my best to bring peace to the middle east
for the modest price of 200 NIS (about 30 GBP) I will do my best to do what no hard headed politician managed or wanted to achive over the past 50 years. your money will be well spent ,as the son of a highly ranked Knesst(israeli parlament) worker i have a acsess to the buliding and more important acsess and the will to annoy any israeli politician and try to convince him to solve this endless dispute. no time wasteres please this is serios. "war is over if you " want to pay me.
Yaron
thecrazyisraeli@hotmail.com
Israel - 18/7/04
Make you a Rollie (cig)
yeh! for a mear 50p (inc pnp) ill send you a rollie, made with the finest tobacco money can buy. you specify the paper type/make and i will roll it, post it and it will be with you (still as fresh as it would be when made).
SlurpyJ
slurpyjoe@lycos.co.uk
United Kingdom - 18/7/04
Scrubbers - be advised..
For nothing other than my own fucked up gratification (and travel and accomodation expenses if outside Bristol, Montpelier) I will enter your life as your sister's new boyfriend, before proceeding for as long as it takes to invade your personal space, and make lewd and suggestive remarks designed to humiliate your husband. I will carry out my patented bullying techniques on him using you as bait. If he dares to complain I'll of course beat the shit out of him; but usually he'll be so upset and screwed up by your continued acceptance of my behaviour (you must proclaim that you only put up with it because I'm your sister's bloke..that'll really let him know how important he is) that he'll throw in the towel, leaving you the house and everything in it!
TrailertrashTrevor
trailertrashtrevor@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 18/7/04
Rainfall guaranteed - any quantity you desire!
Absolutely guaranteed rain, where you desire it, when you want it, in the quantity specified by you. I have recently discovered an uncanny but lucrative talent that I am willing to share with the world. You now have it within your reach to never again: water your lawn, refill your pool, be awakened by your next-door neighbour cutting the lawn at 7:am on a weekend, or attend a distant familial relation's outdoor clog-dancing recital. For only a hot vegetarian meal and a home-spun tie-dyed sarong, plus travelling expenses. Will perform rain-calling ceremony on stilts for an extra tenner. Requisite for the rain-calling: a garden of any size and a watering hose. Rainfall generally occurs within 30 minutes of me watering your garden; a good soaking of 30 minutes or more usually results in a thundering storm, whereas a light spray brings a brief watering followed by rainbows. CAVEAT: If rainfall does not occur within 30 minutes, the guarantee is instantly voided, and I'll already be off with a full tummy and my new sarong anyway. Look on the bright side, you'll have got to meet me, which is alone worth more than my fee.
Shannon
toesintheocean@hotmail.com
Canada - 17/7/04
Hate your job? Stressed out at work?
For the price of a few drinks I will ensure that you get completely pissed at lunchtime and then take you back to your place of work and play up & egg you on until you get sacked. You could do this on your own, but if I'm there I'll make sure that the police get involved and will not rest until I have completely destoyed your career...thus removing all work related stress and adding a further 20, happier, years to your life. I'm not a charity though, so don't take the piss.
oohbadboy
oohbadboy@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 17/7/04
Destruction of Credibility & Reputation
For £25.00 I will make threatening telephone calls to anybody of your choosing, and then make outrageous demands for settlement of fictitious debts. I will pose as enraged gangsters, debt collection agencies or the CSA and will ring on an hourly basis to demand payment. Through persistent harrassment I will damage reputations, plant seeds of doubt in the minds of those close to the intended victim and induce never-ending anxiety & despair. For an additional £15.00 I will also ring up businesses and customers and inform them not to deal with the victim because they are dishonest and fraudulent. If I really like what you're trying to do I'll waive all fees & just do it for fun.
oohbadboy
oohbadboy@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 17/7/04
Allergic to dogs & cats but still love them?
Fear not pet lovers help is at hand... If you love cats and dogs but cannot bear to near the filthy creatures because of allergies, phobias or just plain old misanthropy I can help you. For £250 per day I will come round your place and take on all cat/dog pet duties. For this amazingly low fee I will sit in your favourite chair, moult everywhere, eat like there is no tomorrow, run off when we go for walks, hide from strangers, growl at the postman, piss/shit in inappropriate places/times, display signs of all maladies yet be disease/ailment free when we visit the vet and hide under the bed when you go on holiday. For those of you denied the pleasure of pet ownership through no fault of your own I urge to take advantage of this fantastic summertime offer...but remember pet owners - you must not kill your pooch with kindness, financial rewards are the only true way show your love. Don't delay, act TODAY.
oohbadboy
oohbadboy@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 16/7/04
Shopper Punching
Ever walked aimlessly around your local supermarket, slowly realising how worthless your life is whilst putting brightly coloured packets into your substandard trolley and getting frustratingly held up by old women and single parents with screaming kids? Wish you could just stop and kick the holiest of crap out of them in a fit in repressed psychotic rage? Call me and I will follow you whilst you shop, dispensing steel toed justice to all and sundry. £10 per soul crushed, no refunds.
The Oil Baron
damnrightfunky@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 16/7/04
Chaffinch Challenge
For a small nominal fee i am willing to challenge any Chaffinch to a no-holds-barred punching competition! May the best man win!!!!
Marco Ferrari
fmarco9@aol.com
United Kingdom - 16/7/04
Things that are lovely
i will write you a letter once a week about everything i have seen the week before that is lovely. i am very good at noticing lovely things like small holes in the playgound that lead towho knows where, and trees that have grown for sucj a long time that in between their cracks there are small gravestones hidden
gems
iph_genia@yahoo.co.uk
United Kingdom - 16/7/04
I'll smoke your cigarettes for free
Tired of smoking? Give me a ring, you can watch me smoke your cigarettes all day long! All I ask in return is a hot lunch and lots of coffee.
Scott
frogjoblue@yahoo.com
United States of America - 16/7/04
Personal Svengali
I will mysteriously appear in your life and take the responsibility for any bad decisions you choose to make. Your family and friends will whisper "It's that damn Nigel. Willy never did things like this before." After you've had your fun, you can publically toss me from your life and declare that Mum was right about me, thusly being taken back into the family's good graces. Fee of 500£ per day, plus travel expenses and meals.
Nigel
englshtweed@aol.com
Madagascar - 16/7/04
Opinions for a Fiver
For £5 I will develop especially for you an opinion on any subject you choose. Simply send me an email containing your opinion on 3 subjects of your choice, stated in 50 - 100 words, the subject that you need an opinion on, and £5 via Eggpay* and I will develop an opinion for you based on your current world-view. * http://new.egg.com/visitor/0,,3_45806--View_771,00.html
David Barnes
captaincutshaw@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
Selling my sense of morality.
Yes that's right ladies and gents, roll up roll up and for a humble sum (about a tenner) you can own MY sense of morality. Find out what its like inside the moral mind of Karl Mercer, with this item you can find out such gems as 'if you could save 1,000,000 people by dying, would you?' and 'what are your views on homosexuality?' It truly is an amazing buy people, get it while its hot!
Karl Mercer
ima_s3xy_b3ast@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
Dream Direction
Tell me the dream you wish to have. While you sleep I will talk to you in order to direct your dream. I will further influence your dream by providing appropriate stimuli (eg. dripping water on your toes, holding your hand, and whispering "shh", if you want to dream of a walk on the beach with some unattainable love). If desired, I will tell you that you are dreaming, so that you may take control and have a "lucid dream". I will wake you gently and talk over the experience with you, helping you to rememeber and make sense of it. £50 plus travel expenses.
Joe Shellard
joeshellard@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
How to steal from University Libraries - an insiders guide
At University but can't afford the exhorbitant price of text books and othe learning materials? I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO STEAL BOOKS WITH CONSUMATE EASE! I have worked in a University Library for ten years. I am bitter because I am regularly passed over for promotion and would love to exclusively reveal flaws in the alarm systems attached to books: WITH MY SYSTEM THEY CAN'T FACKIN' TOUCH YOU! I can divulge: -Where the sensors are located -Why DVDs are a piece of piss to steal -Foolproof tips on stealing computer -Erotic library encounters All I ask is that you tell me about your success stories. Email me now and I will also furnish you with tales of S&;M ecstasy amongst the microfiche collection.
Sean Acon
massivehands@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 15/7/04
be polite
I will, for no funds, hold open the door for you after I have passed thru it, I will dispose of my litter sensibly and not spit or piss in the street, I will smile nicely at you, I will however, call you a cunt if I think you deserve it.
tim the polite of peckham
politetim@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Drunk Bloke at a Wedding
Getting married? need a drinken twat to get thrown out and have the relatives thinking who the hell was that, cant have been one of our seans mates, probably one of that traceys mates boyfriends, i never did like the look of them... well, for just £150 cash plus travel expences me and my mate Rich will turn up just after the speaches and make utter cunts of out selves until you decide we have to leave. your benifit? well, everyone you have actually invited will realise that being an out of order twat at a wedding is a real pain in the arse and all have a good time safe in the knowledge they can go home and say 'gees, what about those two drunken fuckers, i am glad they got thrown out, though they were mysteriously handsome in a rugged kind of way.' or something like that.
Chuck Biscuits
Lardfingerbna@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Take A Bike Hike!
I will ride my bike just about anywhere! And you could come too!! £60 per day (away from home) £100 for single day trip. I've cycled from London to Scotland; Brussels to Amsterdam; London to Kings Lyne; All over the west country and I know most of London's filthy streets intimately. I will willingly cycle right round the globe (any route) if you can afford it. I'll go alone and send you photos, call you etc. Or you can come too. I offer my good company at no further cost. I'm fairly interesting: failed artist (of sorts); I've been in the Guardian once; carpenter AND I've tried to convince about seven gangster-rude-boys from Dalston, at four in the morning, to give me back my money by helping them push their car all the way to Shoreditch!! (It didn't work, by the way)
Chris
chrisamey@lycos.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Is the wife suspicious your having an affair?
See your mistress in complete confidence that you will NEVER be discovered. I will cover your tracks and put your wife’s (and your own) mind at rest. I will call your home phone at a prearranged time the evening before you are due to see your bit on the side, pretending to be an old work colleague or school mate. Make sure your wife answers so I can introduce myself and then ask to speak to you. We then arrange a drink for the following evening and Bobs your uncle - you have your cast iron alibi. If necessary I will call again the day after ‘our’ drink to tell you how good it was to see you, obviously within earshot of the wife. £30 per date.
Steve
stepmorg@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 14/7/04
Flip Em' The Bird
For a buck, two bucks or a quid I will give George W. Bush the finger everytime I pass the White House (I live in Washington DC) or the hotel of his choice wherever he is staying while on his conquest of the world. For an additional .50 cents I'll flip off Cheney also. Hell, for a tenner I'll flip off his whole staff. Just think every morning waking with a smile knowing you flipped off Dubya'
Zeus
Lewinsky@knees.com
United States of America - 14/7/04
Death.
For the small sum of £5, I will personally reply to every single ad referring to any manner of sexual service, and BEAT THEM UP for being so completely, and utterly stupid.
The Negator
andrew@402kingstreet.com
United Kingdom - 13/7/04
Walk across the US
Acutally, I'd do this one for free.
Edward P. Pingleton
eddie_p@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
boyfriend for sale
FOR SALE: one bloke. eats alot, farts with aplomb, scratches indiscriminately & without caring who is watching. makes his own beer. All offers over £1.49 considered
limpet
carolineroberts833@msn.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Tell you what you want to hear!
Is there something you've just been dying for someone to say to you? Maybe a letter you've been afraid to read for yourself? For the modest price of $10/minute, I'll tell you whatever you want to hear, as eloquently or as brusquely as you like. For safety purposes, I cannot say things to third parties, as this has occasionally led to violence. The same principle applies to saying things in the presence of others, but will be determined on a case-by-case basis. Phone is the standard method of service, but if you're willing to travel to me I can say things in person as well. Don't let this once-in-a-lifetime offer pass you buy! Where else will you hear the things that need to be said?
esomas
esomas@hotmail.com
United States of America - 12/7/04
Instant Happyness
are you depressed,find it hard to smile in the afternoon or early in the morin'? well us here at the Hummer Happyness Inc. have the perfect package for you, for just 10 english pounds w'll send you a normal A4 sized envlope with all the happyness you need 2 get you thoroght the week! (cards checks and pay pal accepted) 15 happy customers so far! we can't be wrong can we :)
Hummer!
hummer6911@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Kiss my shades
i would like to offer my services as a wild badger trapped in your house. i will hide from you and evade your attempts of capture. basic rate £5/hour. i will also soil myself for a small charge when particularly frightened or if cornered.afterward we could play twister or whatever im cool.alternatively i could visit you and sing the badger song til you're bored. ill do this for £5 upfront and ill donate the cash to weebl.thanks for your time.
GarageRoof
seemyvest2002@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
slap me
I've got four weeks to raise £800 for a trip to thailand, and absolutley no talent for making money whatsoever. for just £10 I will let you slap the shit out of me. 80 good kickings later and I'll be on my way. no time wasters please.
Tim
myownbadself@aol.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Attention losers....
Are you a sad bastard with few/no friends? Are you afraid that when you die no one will care? For the small fee of 2'017 red smarties, I will come to your funeral, sob loudly and inform everyone that you were "Too good to go". For an additional 83 smarties, I will write and read an eulogy, proclaiming your greatness, and for an extra 97, I will leap into your freshly dug grave shouting "I can't continue without you." No time waters. If you are being cremated, disregard the last offer.
Chris
Yourmum@yourhouse.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
No more voices in your head.
Do you suffer from voices in your head? Of course you do. But for £10, I'll put voices in a box. Just tell me what you hear, I'll say them into a box and seal it. Now you can be assured of no more voices in your head as they will all be sealed in a box.
James
funkgroover@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 12/7/04
Fresh Glass of orange juice
For only 50 Euro's and travel expenses. I will come to your house and make you a glass of fresh orange juice before you wake up. Leave a key under your doormat and tell me the time you wake up. Oranges and Orange Press not included.
Hans
hard_beatzNOSPAM@hotmail.com
Netherlands - 12/7/04
Knowledge, the ultimate gift
I will tell you what this symbol means for the princely some of a promise to draw it on 5 things you own (they can be sheets if paper if you so wish). / / / /_ / -_ -----/ / / / /
Jon Maj
syko72@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
HOW WRONG CAN ONE MAN BE?
For the princely sum of 12 english pounds I will give you a 'wrong' rating of 1-10. Willing to travel far and wide in search of true wrongness as long as somebody drives me and indulges me by allowing my favourite compilation tape to be played over and over again. Mainly Iron Maiden.
The Wrong 'Un
wrongun@wrongmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
BURN RUBBER
For the magnificent price of just £28.99 (inc VAT but not travel expenses) I will come to your house (really quickly on a bus) and burn rubber! Yes that's right. Give me anything made of rubber (like a tyre for example) and I will burn it and make your house smell like tar. All your friends/family/housemates will be amazed or possibly upset. I take no responsibility for anything that may go missing from your house round about the time that I was there. Junk Monkey (and yes that is my real name).
Junk Monkey
junkmonkey_@hotmail.com
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Revision
For 2% of your profits, I will revise your youwhores.ad. I will turn your misspelled, poorly worded ad into a work of youwhores.art. For an extra 2% of profits, I will ad sarcasm and/or witty comments to make you sound even more intelligent.
Shane B
swb_15@yahoo.com
United States of America - 7/7/04
For All Divorced Males
Have you have recently been divorced by the love of your life and nothing can make you understand why she left you? Hire me to live with you for a minimum of a year, by the end of the 12th month, I will have figured out why she left you. Included will be a 10-page scientific report outlining each reason to its fullest capacity, and how to correct these male gender character flaws.
Honest Girl
dragonslaying@hotmail.com
Canada - 7/7/04
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